Point Of No Return
by SKDanielle16
Summary: When catastrophe strikes in the human world, Rose's life is thrown into chaos. The world as she knew it has completely shifted. Forced into an underground bunker with a select few Moroi and dhampir, she must figure out how to deal with what she's lost and try to find meaning in her new life. Set 5 years after Last Sacrifice.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy_

 _A/N: Hello! I had this idea a little while ago and finally decided to get it down. Hope ya'll enjoy. Let me know what you think afterward!_

* * *

"Oh, god," Lissa exclaimed from the other room, "they actually did it."

Rose, uncharacteristically dressed in just a plain tee and sweatpants, looked up from one of Dimitri's paperbacks, hearing something strange in the way Lissa's voice sounded.

The two of them were relaxing in one of Lissa's vacation homes on the East Coast. It was one of Rose's days off, though she never truly considered herself off duty. The girls were waiting for their men to return to them before heading back to Court together.

"Who did what?"

Rose shut her book and slowly got up from her relaxed position. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and her pulse started to race. Something was wrong.

When she reached her best friend's side, she checked her over for signs of injury. Lissa's eyes were starting to fill with tears, her eyes locked onto the flat-screen that hung on the wall. Rose's eyes followed suit and her heart sank with an overwhelming feeling of dread.

On the television, in bold lettering, it read, 'President drops nuclear bomb on Moscow'.

Immediately, her mind went to her husband. He and Christian were at St. Basil's overseeing the Moroi defensive magic program. She checked the time. It had been a little over two hours since she'd last spoken to him. According to the news, the bomb had just detonated a little over five minutes ago.

Rose felt the aching urge to call him, but the loud siren sound emitting from the television captured her attention first.

"Fuck," she cursed, rushing over to her bedroom. She ripped off her pajamas and started changing into something more appropriate.

The guardians stationed throughout the house and along the outside perimeter were already preparing to move the Queen. Rose was Lissa's head guardian, so she'd usually have to give orders, but there was a strict protocol when it came to situations like this, and everyone on her team knew what had to happen next. _Get the Queen to Court's underground bunker._

Over the earpiece she'd just shoved into her ear, Rose heard two of Lissa's other guardians ordering the jet to be ready for arrival. She quickly grabbed a couple items she knew she couldn't live without and rushed out of her room. She met Lissa and another guardian in the middle of the hallway.

A small duffel bag dangled from Lissa's shoulder as she cried uncontrollably. Her hands shook as she typed something into her phone.

"He won't pick up," she exclaimed, her voice shaking.

Rose knew how close St. Basil's was to Moscow. She did not know how much of a warning the academy would've been given before the bomb hit. Lissa's panic was quickly rubbing off on her, but she had a mission to complete. She would _not_ let her mind go there. Panicking wouldn't help keep her best friend safe.

 _She comes first_.

The mantra ingrained into her like second nature chose to rear its head right then, and she jumped into action.

She roughly grabbed Lissa by the arm and dragged her toward the door. Her eyes darted toward the TV for one quick moment to see how much time they had. The other guardians started guiding the Queen to the car as Rose took one last look around the vacation home where she'd made many good memories - her wedding included.

Just before she stepped out of the house, her eyes fell onto the discarded book she'd left on the couch. Releasing a huge breath, she heard the loud voices in her ear telling her they were ready to depart, and let herself have one selfish moment. Instead of leaving without looking back, Rose paused, grabbed Dimitri's book and then shoved it into her small bag.

For all she knew, Dimitri was already dead.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy_

 _A/N: Sorry this took me a while to get out, but I hope you enjoy. Wanted to get this out quickly for ya'll, so apologize for any typos. Please review and let me know what you think!_

* * *

"Adrian!"

The Queen paused in the middle of the chaos that was Court at the sight of their dear friend rushing past with a duffle bag hanging off his shoulder.

"Lissa," he gasped, out of breath. His eyes looked frantic as the adrenaline coursed through his veins. Everyone was on edge. Lissa's guardians stood much closer than usual. As if just noticing her existence, his eyes darted over to Rose. "Rose."

Rose nodded back at him as the three of them held an unspoken conversation.

 _What had the world come to? Where were the people we loved most? What would happen next?_

"You should come with us," Rose dared to say, her voice unwavering. He would be safest with them, and as someone she valued, she wanted him to be safe.

He seemed to consider what she said for a moment and then shook his head.

"Sydney..."

"Where is she?" Lissa interrupted frantically.

"She's in Maine," he rambled. It was almost difficult to understand him. "Declan's with her. I can't reach them, I was going to-"

"Your Majesty," one of Lissa's guardians interrupted. His eye was on the watch that wrapped around his wrist. "I'm sorry, but we must go. We are running out of time."

Before any of them had a chance to say another word, the hairs on the back of Rose's neck stood up.

A brute cry from behind Adrian rang out and she pushed him out of the way just in time to save him from being stabbed. The blade missed him and went right into her shoulder.

On the other end of the knife was a Moroi man, keyed up and drenched in sweat.

"Rose!" Lissa cried as the guardians formed a very tight circle around her. They had to move her now. People were getting testy, they had nothing to lose at this point, and that was enough to drive some people mad. It was a dangerous situation, especially for the Queen.

Rose cried out in pain from the violent intrusion as the man pulled the knife from her skin and tried to stab again. She caught his arm before he could get another one over her and gasped as he was unexpectedly pushed to the ground.

From the corner of her eye, she could see the Royal guardians forcibly leading Lissa in the direction of the underground bunker where she would be safe. It was protocol. They wouldn't help her, their mission was to protect the Queen at all costs, not each other. She wouldn't want it any other way.

"Little dhampir, get up," Adrian rushed, reaching his arm out to lift her. It had been him who had shoved the attacker. She got up and winced as blood started to stain her top. "We have to go."

The Moroi man was getting back to his feet as well, scrambling over to grab the knife again.

"Wait," she groaned, and nodded over to the man. They didn't know who he was, what he wanted, or who his target was. He had gone for Adrian initially, but was he just trying to eliminate him to get to the Queen?

Rose didn't know what he would do next, so she did what she had to at the expense of her own injury. She shifted her weight off of Adrian and engaged the man once again. Flashes of Eddie being locked away for killing a Moroi racked her brain. She didn't have time to worry about the consequences though. There were too many other things to worry about.

In a quick move, she took the knife from his grasp and turn it around on him, stabbing him right in the chest. It wasn't a direct hit to the heart, but she knew it would be enough to keep him down...probably for good.

Their eyes locked as he fell to the ground, grasping desperately at his chest.

The whole world went quiet as Rose stared down at what she had done.

"Rose, we have to go," Adrian urged, pulling her out of her thoughts. He grabbed her arm from her uninjured side and the two of them moved as fast as they could.

They had to catch up to Lissa and the Royal Guard in order to have a chance.

Over the wails of panicked vampires, Rose could hear Adrian's labored breaths loudly in her ear as he helped them get to safety. She didn't realize it then, but that sound would be something she'd remember for the rest of her life.

* * *

"You're awake,"

Rose's eyes fluttered open slowly as she tried to remember where she was. She felt a warm hand squeeze her own.

"Dimitri?"

"Sorry to disappoint, little dhampir," Adrian remarked somberly. He was seated at the edge of the bed, looking all kinds of exhausted. There were dark bags under his eyes and dried blood all over his shirt.

"Blood..." Rose gestured to his appearance and moved to sit up, but Adrian put his hand gently on her chest to force her back down. The stretching of the skin around her wound made her wince as she suddenly remembered everything.

She laid back down and looked around the room she was in. It looked very ordinary, very clean, very...cold. There was no warmth in this room. Nothing that would make it feel like home. Nothing that would bring her comfort.

"We made it," she said in a raspy voice. It was more of an observation than a question, but Adrian nodded anyway.

"Yes, we did," he offered. Rose could tell he was struggling to keep it together. He looked like hell. She wondered how long they had been down there. How long had she been passed out?

She could remember the two of them struggling to get to the bunker. The small amount of time she'd spent disarming the Moroi man was enough for Lissa and the guardians to disappear from their sight. The fact that Rose was struggling to stay upright was making the trip longer than it should've been. At that point, she could hardly keep her eyes open. She'd felt incredibly weak, physically and mentally.

The attacker must've nicked a major artery. She knew enough about the body to know that she should not have been bleeding as much as she was. She remembered feeling like she could not go any further.

It was getting quieter. They'd moved away from the bustling crowds of people. The only people they'd recently crossed paths with were stray guardians and Moroi who had seemed to have given up and accepted whatever fate had in store for them.

"Adrian," she had groaned, balling up his shirt in her fist as she limped forward.

"We have to keep moving," he muttered like a mantra, almost dragging her with him at this point.

"Adrian," she cried louder. She could feel tears rolling down her cheeks. She wished so bad that it was Dimitri beside her. It was tearing her apart not knowing if he was alive. The odds were not in his favor. She knew that.

She didn't want to exist in a world where he didn't. She knew what that had felt like once. She couldn't live through it a second time.

If Dimitri was gone, maybe it was okay if she was gone too... but Adrian still had Sydney. She was in Maine. Maybe that was far enough away. She wasn't the most informed when it came to nuclear weapons - vampires didn't fight that way - and even if she was, she was certain all ability to think clearly had left her along with the blood that had spewed out of her body.

"I'm slowing you down," she whimpered as they continued to inch forward. It was getting harder for her to not trip over her own feet.

Adrian ignored her.

"We're running out of time," she said dejectedly, "I've lost too much blood, and I can't be the reason you-"

"Rose!" Adrian yelled angrily, "I'm not leaving you behind. Now shut up and keep moving."

That was the last thing Rose could remember.

At her bedside, Adrian released her hand and stood. He walked over to a small fridge in one corner of the room that she hadn't noticed before. He reached in and grabbed a bottled water. He undid the cap and took a sip before offering it to her.

She hadn't realized it before, but her mouth was incredibly dry. She drank greedily before realizing she didn't know their situation. How much water did they have? How much water would they need? Had she just consumed a whole day's worth in five gulps?

Adrian could see the wheels turning in Rose's head, but frankly, he was too exhausted to answer any questions she might have. He hadn't slept an ounce since they'd made it to the bunker.

She was in and out of consciousness the last few minutes before they reached the safehouse. It had scared him half to death. The last time he'd seen her like this was when Natasha Ozera had gotten desperate and put a bullet in her chest.

He couldn't believe she thought she could convince him to leave her there. He would never do that, especially after she had just saved his own life. That blade was meant for him, but she'd sacrificed herself. They were in it together as far as he had been concerned.

Rose yawned, though she had just woken up, causing Adrian to do the same. Her body was recovering. She had so many things she wanted to ask, but it could wait. She could see he was struggling to stay awake. The two of them looked at each other and Rose patted the vacant half of the double bed she occupied.

Without speaking a word, Adrian took off his shoes and then laid on top of the blanket she was bundled underneath. He fell asleep almost instantly.

Rose found the sound of his even, peaceful breaths comforting.

* * *

Not long after Adrian fell asleep, there was a gentle knock on the door.

The door cracked open and she was met with a pair of eyes that looked equally as exhausted as Adrian's were.

"You're up," Lissa observed happily before eyeing Adrian's sleeping form resting beside Rose. The smile on her face didn't reach her eyes. The moment was bittersweet.

They were safe and in each other's company and they were lucky for that, but their missing halves were at the forefront of their minds. Lissa was happy that Rose was okay, but it was a tough situation. Rose understood that more than anyone. Hell, she'd been ready to give up herself.

It wasn't a proud moment for her. She was at a low. It was a mixture of the blood loss and the fear of losing Dimitri without warning that pushed her to give up. But she had to be strong. For Lissa, for Adrian, for Dimitri, for herself.

"How long was I out?" Rose whispered, not wanting to disturb Adrian.

"Two days," she answered, before she gestured over to Adrian. "He was at your side the whole time, kept saying he wouldn't leave you behind. Hasn't slept a wink...until now."

The corners of Rose's lips curved somberly.

"I'm grateful that you're safe," a few tears traveled down Lissa's cheek as she tried to keep it together. "I thought I'd lost you too. The last thing I was saw was the knife entering your body before they rushed me away," she sniffled a bit, struggling to get out the words. "And then Adrian wasn't there anymore so I didn't know what to think."

Rose reached out so Lissa could hold her hand.

"Hey," Rose comforted, "it takes more than a knife to bring me down. It's okay. I'm still here. Remember when I went up against a gun and won? "

"It's not funny, Rose," Lissa sniffled. She wiped at her wet face. "You were almost dead when Adrian got you here. You were unconscious. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to save you."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to keep it together, Liss."

As Lissa continued to cry, she held onto Rose's hand like a lifeline. Adrian slept like the dead beside her, despite the growing volume of Lissa's sobs. Rose laid quietly and studied the ceiling. She couldn't bare to look at her friend as she wept or else she'd lose it.

Would this be her new normal?

God, she wished Dimitri was here to hold her.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy_

 _A/N: As always, I hope you enjoy!_

 **Time Elapsed: 7 Days**

Rose groaned in frustration as she tried her very hardest not to scratch her stitches.

Her bandages were in need of changing and because of the angle, it was difficult for her to do it properly herself. Where were her friends?

She'd been cooped up in her bed - her prison, it felt like - for hours without company. Lissa was constantly in and out to see her, always rushing away when a possible sign of contact from the outside world came through their radio, but it had been some time since her last appearance.

Adrian had been away for a couple days now. She knew he had to be an absolute wreck. They all were. It's why was Lissa was keeping herself so busy. If she wasn't constantly working on figuring out what was going on above the surface, Rose was certain she'd be an uncontrollable sobbing mess.

This was how Rose usually coped, by keeping herself busy. Find a solution and work towards it. _Dimitri had taught her that..._ But, she was out of commission, and unfortunately for her, that meant she was left to her own thoughts.

To Rose's surprise, Lissa hadn't completely closed her wound with spirit like she had initially thought. A guardian, one Rose didn't recognize by name, had apparently found a first aid kit and stitched Rose up after Lissa had controlled the bleeding and any internal injury.

Rose had no complaints. She'd already realized that things would be difficult for Lissa moving forward. Lissa didn't have an endless supply of medication to help control her darkness anymore, and now that Rose was no longer shadow-kissed, Lissa would have to take it easy.

She was already thanking her lucky stars that Lissa was smart enough to grab what pills she had left before they hightailed it out of the Dragomir's vacation house. Rose sighed heavily, remembering the events of that day like it was happening in that very moment.

Groaning again as the itchiness persisted, she grabbed the paperback book from the vacant side of the bed and held it in her lap, running her hands over the cover like she'd done many times over the past week.

When Rose was more mentally sound after waking up from her two day sleep, she'd burst into tears when she realized she'd never picked her small bag off the ground after her tussle with the Moroi man.

When she could finally get the words out to explain to Lissa and Adrian why she was so upset, as if being forced into a bunker and possibly losing Dimitri wasn't enough, Adrian left the room in a rush and came back with both of the bags they'd had with them that day in Court.

"How did you-? When?" She reached out her hands, not making any effort to wipe the streaks of tears running down her cheeks anymore.

Adrian hurriedly gave her the bag and then dropped his own bag at the foot of the bed.

"I grabbed it after you-" a moment of understanding passed between the two of them as they held eye contact. _After you killed the Moroi._

It was an unspoken agreement between the two of them that they wouldn't tell anyone about what had progressed between Rose and the attacker after Lissa was taken away. It would only cause trouble and confusion, and it was something Rose was trying to forget. She had done what needed to be done.

"Thank you, Adrian," Rose said sincerely, sniffling. "Really, thank you."

She didn't think she would ever be able to repay him for all that he'd done for her that day. Their relationship had come a really long way.

As Rose examined the novel's cover again, she found herself plagued with thoughts of Dimitri, not that he was ever gone from her thoughts for more than a moment or two. His face was ingrained in her brain, the way he stared at her with complete adoration as they joked around together, as they sparred, as she said I do, as they cuddled in bed after making love…

Rose opened the book, purposely avoiding the inside of the front cover where she knew Dimitri's name was neatly written, and went back to the page she'd left off on. She'd been trying her hardest to continue from where she was forced to stop that day a week ago, but she could never make it past a couple sentences.

She didn't know what it was that prevented her from reading more. It might've been a stressor for her, a trigger. She had been reading the book after all when her whole world was turned upside down. Or, she thought, maybe it was because this book had Dimitri written all over it. It was his face she saw on the cover, his voice she heard in her head as she read, his aftershave wafting out from inside the pages.

Lissa had demanded Rose stay in bed until she was more properly healed, so naturally, she was miserable and this book was the only thing she had to entertain herself. She cherished the thing and detested it at the same time. It was one of the only things she'd had left of Dimitri and she was pissed at the thought.

Nuclear bombs and westerns aside, Rose would've hated being quarantined to her bed regardless, but add in the fact that Dimitri was probably a pile of dust and-

"Ugh, damn it," Rose cried, not wanting her thoughts to go that way. She tried to avoid picturing Dimitri's last moments, but it was proving to be very difficult. She could let her thoughts dance around what had happened to him, but when she started to truly picture what had transpired, she felt a pain in her chest worse than any bullet had ever caused. She needed a distraction, but apparently no one had thought to put some cable or better yet, wi-fi, in this damn-

"Get it together, Rose," she mumbled in frustration, patting gently on her bandages for temporary relief.

"Talking to yourself, little dhampir?"

From the door, Adrian stared at her with a lazy smirk on his face. She could tell he was trying to keep the mood light, but she knew better. She could see right through it, they both could, but it was better to pretend for their own sanity that everything was normal.

"And here I thought I was the crazy one," he joked, before joining Rose on the bed.

This was the distraction she needed.

* * *

"I feel like every other thing I say to you is thank you," Rose moaned contentedly, "but really, _thank you_."

Adrian chuckled and got up from his position to toss Rose's old bandages in the trash.

"Anytime. Just call me your nurse," he joked, before reclaiming his spot beside her. Rose's mood soured as she remembered a time she'd similarly joked with Dimitri about being her nurse just after she'd been shot.

"This can't last long, can it…?"

Adrian studied Rose intently as she flipped the book she'd been reading for days over, turning it so the back cover was facing up. He'd noticed she never seemed to make any progress with it. The small placemaker she used to keep her spot never seemed to move from its current position.

The horse on the back cover and the man dressed in a cowboy hat he'd seen on the front cover were enough to tell Adrian this book probably belonged to Dimitri. The man was famous for his leather duster after all. Adrian had cracked more than a couple inappropriate jokes about that.

He knew she was aching for him the same way he ached for Sydney. It wasn't fair, not knowing if they were okay. His only comfort was the chance that maybe she'd made it over the border and was somewhere in Canada worrying over him as much as he was her. Rose had no such thing to hold onto.

Lissa had told him where Christian and Dimitri were when the first bomb was dropped. At damn ground zero.

He felt guilty for ever hating the man for loving Rose at the same time he did. He felt guilty for ever wishing she'd been successful in staking him. Hell, he even felt guilty for the things he'd done to Christian - purposefully flirting with Lissa while he was around to get on his nerves, to name one.

Yes, those things were in the past, but the past had a way of rearing its ugly head in times like these.

"It'll do for the next day or so," he explained, gesturing to her fresh bandages, "but don't worry, I'll change them when you need."

Rose frowned. "That's not what I meant-"

"I know," Adrian sighed. He played with the frayed edge of the blanket that covered Rose. It was a beige color, a color he'd come to despise. Everything here was beige. Beige and downright bleak.

Would it have hurt the people who'd designed this place to add some damn color? Some design? Anything?

He knew it wouldn't have mattered. The place could've been better designed than some of the 5 star hotels he'd stayed in and it wouldn't have mattered one bit. If the place was covered in jewel tones, he was sure he'd learn to hate those colors too.

He was coping. He was angry, targeting his frustrations at inanimate objects, instead of the people who had deserved it. The damn humans who were responsible for this mess.

Because of Sydney, he was somewhat informed about what had been occuring in the human world. _It's important to know what's going on in the world_ , she had told him one day when he begged her to turn the television to something interesting and not news-related.

As he sat beside Rose, terrified because he'd started to see the colors of her aura appearing, he found himself thinking that being informed hadn't gotten him anywhere. He was still confined to this bunker. The humans still went nuclear crazy. And now, he was out of meds.

So, yes, Adrian was angry.

* * *

The days passed on at a glacial pace.

Rose had since learned that there were a total of nine people in the bunker. There was Lissa, Adrian and herself, which made up three, and the rest were guardians. Four of them were guardians that Rose worked with regularly - other members of the Royal Guard. The other two were Court guardians that luckily had been appointed to guard the bunker's entrance that day.

Rose remembered Dimitri explaining Court shifts to her one day when she was complaining about having to do an office shift the next day. Paperwork was Rose's least favorite thing to do. _At least you aren't guarding the bunker_ , Dimitri had said. Rose's attention piqued at that.

Dimitri gave a knowing smile as his comment earned the desired effect he'd wanted. Yes, Rose was his equal where it mattered most, but she was still a somewhat green guardian when it came to court protocol and downright lazy when it came to reading, to his amusement. This meant he knew much more than she did when it came to Court history and Court information in general.

He'd urged her many times to read through the packet Hans Croft had given her when she had started her first "official" day as the Queen's close guardian.

There was so much information in there that she would've been fascinated with, but because it required sitting down and reading, Rose was putting it off. He swore one of these days he'd finally get her to sit down and read one of his westerns all the way through.

"Wait-did you just say bunker?" Rose pulled the book from Dimitri's hands and set it down on the armrest of the sofa they were sharing. She needed his full attention.

Immediately, he reached around her with his long arms, retrieved the book, and reopened it. "Yes, Roza, I did." It took everything in him to contain his laughter.

He could tell she was pouting from the other side of the book that he now held in front of his face, blocking her from view. He was teasing her on purpose. He loved doing this to her. He found her reaction to be undeniably cute.

He didn't mind admitting that he liked still holding some of that mentor role in their relationship. He liked being a fountain of knowledge for her. He liked that she came to him with her questions, and he liked that she wanted to learn from him. He knew she didn't always need it, but he liked being there for her in that way when she wanted it.

Rose knew what Dimitri was doing. Playfully frustrated, she grabbed the book from his hands once again and tried not to laugh at the shocked expression on Dimitri's face.

She looked down at the book and scoffed. "Comrade, really? _Tales of the Western Front_ is not more important or more interesting than what you're about to tell me." She discarded the book and crossed her arms. Yup, there was the pout.

Dimitri chuckled and pulled her in for a kiss, taking Rose by surprise. Her pursed lips softened at the feel of his mouth on hers as she lost herself in the kiss.

Since coming out publicly with their romantic relationship a couple months ago, the two had shared many kisses like these. Kisses that didn't make either of them feel guilty or like they had something to hide.

Yes, they'd shared many of them, but each one always seemed to feel like the first time. Rose felt incredibly lucky to have Dimitri by her side. It was something she'd wanted for so long, and the two of them had overcome insurmountable adversity to have days like these.

When Dimitri finally pulled back, Rose was in a happy daze. Her whole body had gone incredibly warm with feelings of fuzzy joy.

"What was it you were saying, Roza?" Dimitri chuckled again and kissed the tip of her nose as she gazed lovingly at him. "Ah, yes, the bunker."

All ears, Rose cleared her throat and straightened up, but with a softer look to her face now.

He explained to her that a couple decades ago, a bunker had been built in case of emergency to keep the Queen safe. Its design was modeled after human-made structures that were constructed for a similar purpose, to keep the most "important" individuals safe from whatever may be happening on the surface, like nuclear warfare or biological weapons.

Rose listened, completely entranced with the information he was feeding her.

"That's so cool! I'd much rather be doing that that filling out paperwork." She smacked her shoulder gently before grabbing his hand in hers. A part of them always seemed to be touching, and that was just how she liked it.

"It's not that exciting," he shared. He'd done it a couple times. "It hasn't been put to use, so a lot of the area is overgrown. It helps to keep it hidden from those who don't know about it."

Rose continued to ooh and ahh much to Dimitri's amusement. She paused.

"Wait, so you know where it is? You've done that shift before?"

He nodded, and found it amusing that she was so fascinated by the fact that he knew the bunker's location. Nevermind the fact that she'd know as well if only she'd read the packet. It wasn't some huge secret, at least not to most guardians, but why not let himself have a little fun?

"Paperwork is a much more useful way to spend your time," he said plainly. He knew every job was important in upholding the structure of their world, the bunker shift included, but he honestly did find it to be the most boring shift he'd ever done. At least with paperwork, he was able to keep his mind busy.

"Ugh," Rose groaned, "Way to show your _age_ , Comrade."

Dimitri chuckled once again and went back to his book. Rose sighed, sad that the conversation was seemingly over. Before he started reading though, he lowered the book, and gently lifted Rose's chin with his hand.

"Next time we have the day off together, I'll show you where it is, okay?"

Rose grinned ear to ear and nodded. He kissed her again and this time, when he started reading, she didn't try to steal the book away from him.

Thinking back to their conversation, Rose wished that she had somehow known then what was going to happen. She probably would've fought to have routine upgrades to the bunker's technology. When she finally had read through her guardian booklet, she learned that the bunker had just been sitting there dormant for many years since its creation.

Now they were stuck with an old fashioned radio that barely seemed to function.

Rose sighed, recalling a human phrase she'd heard Sydney use more than once. _Hindsight is always 20/20_.


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy_

 _A/N: Sorry for the delay. I've been focusing more on finishing up my other fic, Be Safe, My Love, so I've neglected this one. My apologies. Hope you enjoy!_

 **Time Elapsed: 5 months**

" _Can you believe it?" Rose began, holding her hand out so the two of them could admire the ring that would forever rest there. "I'm finally a Belikov."_

" _Roza Belikova," Dimitri tested, speaking the words aloud for the first time. The arm he had tucked underneath her waist tightened._

 _Rose smiled, snuggling closer to him. "Now everyone will know I'm yours."_

 _Dimitri brought her hand down to his lips to place a gentle kiss upon it. "So you're finally agreeing to change your name?"_

 _The two grinned as their hands found each other's underneath the thin sheet that barely covered them._

 _Rose turned playful. "I don't know…" She pretended to think really hard. "The name Hathaway has gotten me pretty far in life and Abe was pretty upset when I refused to go by Mazur. I don't know how much he'd like me taking Belikov as my surname so easily."_

 _Dimitri groaned, pretending to be exasperated though the smile on his face never faltered. "Belikov will get you just as far, Roza, and I'm your husband. I'm sure Abe won't mind."_

 _A sigh of utter happiness fell from Rose's lips as she untangled their hands so she could straddle him._

 _The sheet fell from her hips, leaving her upper half completely nude to Dimitri's wandering eyes. A sound of gratification slipped out of his lips before his eyes found their way back to hers._

" _Can you say that again?" Rose asked as she brushed Dimitri's hair out of his face._

 _For the ceremony, he'd worn it down at her request but brushed back with gel. It had since then fallen, no doubt a result of the laborious intensity of their lovemaking as husband and wife. She felt pretty damn satisfied that he was still so enamored by her, and her body, after so long._

" _Say what?" Dimitri inquired, distracted by the sight of her bare skin though he tried to give the impression that he wasn't. His hands had started to drift up from her hips to higher territory. Rose smirked._

" _That you're my husband."_

 _Dimitri's lips formed into a full out grin, something he reserved just for her. Her heart leaped in her chest. In a quick move, he grabbed her and pushed her off of him and into the mattress. A moment later, he hovered on top of her, threading their fingers together once more._

 _As he held her in place, his eyes lingered on the sparkling diamonds around her finger._

 _They were in the master suite of Lissa's vacation home that was located on the Eastern coast. Their wedding had taken place outside along the shore just hours early. It was followed by a lively party that included all of their friends and family._

 _The house had since then been vacated by everyone, Lissa included. Though it was her home, she'd offered it up to the two dhampirs to use as a "honeymoon" getaway. Everyone else was staying at a nice hotel just down the road, meaning Rose and Dimitri could be as loud as they wanted to._

 _He nuzzled his face into her neck and placed a gentle kiss there before his lips made their way back to hers._

" _I'm your husband and you are my wife."_

 _Rose arched up to coax another kiss from him. When they finally pulled away a couple minutes later, she faked a look of contemplation on her face and pursed her lips, tilting her head to the side._

" _I suppose you're right. I'll change my name."_

 _Dimitri, particularly pleased by her easy resignation, gave her one last passionate kiss on the mouth before disappearing under the sheets until his mouth found their next destination._

Panting, Rose jerked up in bed with her heart racing.

She cleared her throat and hopped out of bed in search for something to ease the dryness in her mouth, a result of her heavy panting. She groaned after she downed the whole bottle in one go.

It had been months and every night was the same.

Dreams of Dimitri assaulted her every sense, whether it was a flashback to their wedding night or a memory of the time he'd held her captive as Strigoi. Good or bad, it was just the same.

She missed him so much, she was afraid to admit that she would've given anything to have him back...even if it meant he was a Strigoi. God, she'd never admit that out loud. If she was being honest, she was feeling _low_.

She was desperate at this point for _any_ sign of him, for any sign of _anyone_.

It had been months.

Everyone had all but given up on trying to contact the outside world. The stupid radio they had was extremely low on battery after all of their tinkering. They'd run through the extra sets of batteries that were in the bunker pretty fast in the weeks after the bomb had detonated.

Now, they only had one pair left, and it was decided they'd wait before trying to reach out again. Wait for what, Rose wasn't sure, but she didn't think it smart to ask. Everyone was at the end of their rope.

Patience was a thing of the past. Now, cabin fever plagued them like a disease.

They were restless. The dhampirs especially. They were so used to staying active, always moving toward their goal aggressively. Now, they were forced to move at a dormant pace.

Gene, the guardian who had the most knowledge when it came to technology, had explained that the radio was working just fine so it wasn't the problem. Perhaps the towers that undertook the job of transmitting signals were compromised or maybe the antenna that rest outside just a few feet away from the door to the bunker wasn't working properly due to the radiation in the air.

He couldn't say for sure. Finding out would require going outside and that wasn't smart. Not without the okay from the outside world, but again, Rose had no idea _how_ they'd come to that determination without a working radio.

Every attempt felt useless at this point. They were stuck.

Rose had taken it upon herself to be the strong one in the group. When the others felt like they had no future, Rose would step forward. She'd speak words of encouragement. _They couldn't be the only ones alive out there_. _Just be patient. We'll be out of here soon_.

As the days dragged on, she found it harder and harder to be positive, especially because she didn't believe the words she spoke herself.

* * *

"You're up early," Alec, the guardian who had stitched her stab wound, greeted as he padded out of his room in the early hours of the morning.

"How can you even tell the difference anymore?" Rose asked somberly.

They were underground. No sunlight, no sunrise, no sunset. Their bodies were running on a weird schedule. It was hard to tell the time of day anymore. Rose often times had difficulty falling asleep because her body didn't know if it was the appropriate time to do so.

The group had tried to fake the sun by turning off all the lights at a certain time, coaxing their bodies to sleep, but it was still hard. Add to that the dreams of her husband and she was restless.

Alec tapped the wristwatch that was wrapped around his wrist. He fiddled with it, causing the thing to emit a few quiet beeps. Rose had to assume he was resetting the alarm she'd heard go off a couple minutes earlier.

"How's the shoulder?" he asked, gesturing to the scarring that had formed.

"Healing nicely," she answered, examining her skin after pushing the strip of her tank to the side.

She was happy for the distraction he brought. She'd been sitting in the kitchen area alone for a couple hours now, unable to fall back asleep.

The bond Rose had formed with the other dhampirs had formed quickly due to the fact that they were together every day. She got along quite well with most of them. Gene and Smith were easy to like, as were Crystal and Lukas. She'd already known them, as they were a part of the Royal Guard, but not well. She formed a bond with Alec over her healing wound.

The only one she hadn't meshed with was Mark. He and Alec were the two guardians that had been guarding the entrance to the bunker all those months ago. She'd never met either of them before that day.

He just rubbed her the wrong way. He was impolite and brash with his words, often times talking down to her and Crystal. It was easy to see what type of person he was. _Sexist_. It amazed her that there were still guardians who believed women to be inferior.

As much as Rose had matured over the years, she was not impervious to the rage she felt when it came to circumstances like that. She'd had to bite her tongue on more than one occasion in order to keep the peace in the small space they inhabited. But she swore if he made another comment about how lucky she was to have gotten such a renowned position, she'd knock his face into the ground.

Luck had nothing to do with it. Yes, the Dragomirs had expressed their wishes of wanting Rose as Lissa's guardian since day one, but it was her years of dedication and the work she'd put in that kept her the position.

The sound of another door opening pulled Rose out of her thoughts. Her eyes rose just in time to see Crystal exiting the room she shared with Gene. Rose and the others had looked the other way when it came to those two sharing a room.

The bunker was cramped, but not enough so that each person couldn't have their own space, as small as it may be. Whoever had constructed the place had a mind to at least prepare for a group of ten.

Room sharing had become a thing they each accepted in silence. Lissa would often come to Rose's room so the two could find comfort in each other. Sometimes Adrian too. Gene and Crystal would share a bed on nights more often than not.

When it was first brought to her attention, Rose had wondered if they held a relationship much like hers and Dimitri's, but when she mentioned it to Crystal subtly one day, the dhampir swore that it was just casual. A way to pass the time in this purgatory of boredom.

Rose could understand that. She ached for contact herself.

Crystal took the spot beside Rose and began rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She yawned and then nodded to Alec in greeting.

"What's on the schedule for today, boss?" Crystal asked, eyeing Rose expectantly.

Rose shrugged. Usually she'd play into Crystal's jibes and attempts to lighten the mood, but her dream had put her in a bad mood.

"Oh, you know," she responded, "Nothing, nothing, and more nothing."

Alec rolled his eyes from across the table as he pulled out a carton of powdered eggs. As much as Rose hated the stuff, her stomach growled and her mouth watered. As he added water to the mixture, Rose hopped off her chair and walked over to the pantry that held their huge stock of food. They were about a fourth of the way through at this point.

Reaching past some canned beans, she produced a can of spam and set it down beside Alec.

He looked up at her in surprise. "What's the occasion?"

There were certain items the group had decided they wouldn't eat everyday in an attempt to prolong their storage time. Spam was one of those items.

She frowned before muttering, "My wedding anniversary."

Alec made a sound like the words he had prepared to say had gotten stuck in his throat as Rose plonked back onto her chair, forcing herself to keep an air of nonchalance. Crystal patted her back gently in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture.

"Happy wedding anniversary," she said, filling the silence.

Rose forced a smile onto her lips as she turned to Crystal. "Thank you."

Crystal nodded as silence fell over the group. A moment later, all that could be heard was the sound of the eggs sizzling on the stove and Alec humming quietly under his breath as he made them breakfast.

Rose was grateful neither of them had dwelled on the topic for too long.

Rose was hurting, that much was obvious.

As she chowed down, she played with the ring around her finger, remembering the special day. Dimitri had looked so handsome.

She had to breathe slowly a couple times as she ate in order to rein in her emotions. She was feeling particularly weak today.

She was almost done with her food when Lissa entered the room, immediately going up to Rose to pull her into a huge hug.

"I love you," she whispered into Rose's ear as she released her.

Rose smiled as Lissa took the spot on the other side of her. It wasn't much but it was what she needed to keep moving forward.

* * *

Later that day when she retired to her room, Adrian joined her.

It wasn't unusual that he spend the night with her. It didn't mean anything. It was nothing more than just two friends finding solace in each other's company.

Maybe he knew she needed the support after getting through the difficult day. She wasn't sure. She could tell there was something he wanted to say to her all day, but she hadn't pushed it. She knew he'd get it off his chest whenever he could.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime of the two of them laying in silence, their hands just brushing up against each other for comfort, Adrian turned onto his side so he faced her head on.

Realizing he was ready to share, Rose mirrored his action, leaving the two of them face to face.

Adrian's eyes bore nervously into her own.

His mouth open and closed a few times before he finally spoke.

"I have a confession to make," he admitted, his eyes lowering in shame.

Rose's brow furrowed as she waited for him to muster the courage to continue. Whatever it was, it had to be serious or else he wouldn't have approached her this way.

"I've been off my meds for months now."

It took a second for his implication to settle in. She sat up once she realized. "What?! Since when?"

"Maybe...a week after we got here?"

"And you're just telling me now?" Rose looked at him incredulously.

He nodded, wringing his hands together.

"You could have been dream-walking this whole time?" She was angry. "Lissa and I have been sitting here going crazy over Dimitri and Christian while you've sat quiet with the power to do something about it this _whole time?!_ "

She wasn't being fair, she knew that. Surely, if he was able, he would've done so without argument. The way he put it, he hadn't dream-walked at all. She doubted he had contacted Sydney. The way he walked around miserably like she did told her as much.

Adrian sighed before putting his hands up in an attempt to calm her down. Her yelling had gotten loud. "Little dhampir, I've _tried_. It's not working." He confirmed her thoughts.

Rose paused, calming. "Why not?"

"At first I wasn't sure, but..." he hesitated to continue, "...I think it's the blood."

The amount of blood they had in the bunker was extremely limited. So much so that they'd come up with a very strict schedule for consumption. Under no circumstance was anyone allowed to drink from the frozen pile they had unless it adhered to the schedule.

Since moving underground, both Lissa and Adrian had taken on a paler complexion than usual. They were starved of blood, but it was a necessary thing to make their resources last.

Rose had an easy fix.

"So take mine."

Adrian groaned. "I knew you'd say that."

"And?"

"And I don't want to make you do that, Rose. It's why I was so reluctant to tell you in the first place." He wouldn't look at her so she grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Adrian, this is _worth_ it." She cried. "I have to know. _Please_."

For months she'd been torturing herself wondering if her husband was alive or not. Now there was a chance she could learn his fate and she wasn't about to let it pass.

Adrian took in the desperate look in her eye. He recognized it as the same look he saw in the mirror. Part of him was terrified to try dream-walking the people they loved. What if they were dead? Adrian wasn't sure what was worse, not knowing or knowing they were dead.

"You can even reach out to Sydney first if you want to. I don't care. Just... _please_."

After another moment's hesitation, Adrian finally nodded. "Okay."

At his approval, Rose tugged the strap of her top down, baring her neck to him. He eyed her reluctantly as he approached.

"Just like old times..." he muttered in an attempt to ease the tension, but Rose would have none of that.

She moved closer and placed a hand on his head, urging him to continue. When he did, when his fangs pierced her skin, her head fell back in pleasure. She moaned loudly at the feeling of utter bliss that came with the high of being bitten.

Part of it felt wrong, to be this way with Adrian again, but she knew it was out of necessity.

When he was done, he pushed her down onto the bed gently and then fell beside her, his eyes closing.

Rose drifted off herself, falling asleep easier than she had in months.

The last thing she held onto before sleep took her was that maybe, just maybe, when she woke up, she'd learn that Dimitri was still alive.

* * *

 _A/N: Thoughts? Also, I've posted a couple one-shots if you want something else to read to pass the time :)_


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy._

 _A/N: Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Adrian woke with a start.

It took him a moment to recognize his surroundings. He'd just spent the last few hours searching and reaching out to as many people as he could think of.

First was Sydney.

She was alive. She was okay.

After a forever of kissing and holding each other, he'd learned that she and Declan had made it across the border. The two people he adored most in all the world were safe. _He had a reason to keep going_.

Sydney had used an old alchemist contact she had in Canada to find a place to stay while the world went to shit. The two were huddled in a bunker similar to the one he was in, only it was much more technologically advanced and expansive. _Leave it to the alchemists_.

He worried momentarily about what it would mean for his wife once everything was over. He hoped to any form of deity that existed (could any still exist after what happened?) that his wife would be able to make it back to him safely. Alchemists rarely did anything without expectation of something in return. _I trust the people I'm with. Do not worry about me_ , she'd told him. But, wasn't that his job?

With a wave of his hand, the location of the dream they shared transformed from the house they shared to the bunker she was currently living in. He used spirit to pull from her memory so he could create the scene around them.

It was impressive, definitely more than a few steps up from his current living space.

He could see hallways stemming in all directions from the main room they stood in. In the center was a hub of machinery that he couldn't name or recognize. It looked like a scene straight out of a movie. Like NASA or something.

Sydney, seeing his curiosity, explained that the alchemists were in contact with various people around the globe - vampires and humans alike - and the machines powered the whole thing. In addition, they were tracking radiation levels in different areas of the world that had been hit. The western half of the US and certain parts of Russia were very high. Not inhabitable for any form of life.

At the mention of Russia, Adrian turned grim. He took his wife's hands in his and then changed the topic to something more pressing.

"Rose is waiting for news about Dimitri. I'm going to try to reach him next."

Sydney's eyes turned worried. "He's not with you?"

He shook his head morosely. "He and Christian were at St. Basil's."

"Oh, God." She clutched her hand to her chest. Her eyes watered as she looked at him like the world was ending. _Oh wait, it already had_. "Adrian… St. Basil's was completely leveled."

Tearing his mind away from what he'd learned, he tried his best to remain positive. He wasn't sure if he would be able to tell Rose this. It would destroy her.

Almost as if she could tell that he was thinking about her, she turned over onto her back. He held his breath and did not move a muscle, worried that he'd wake her and would have to face an interrogation.

He sighed in relief when her even breaths continued.

Adrian hadn't been able to reach Dimitri...or Christian. He tried to reason that it was possible that the two weren't sleeping and therefore unreachable. It made sense with the time difference. But he wasn't sure if that was just wishful thinking considering the news he'd learned from his wife.

After trying to reach the two men multiple times, he gave up and redirected his efforts to another male that he was concerned about, his guardian and friend, Eddie.

The day everything changed, Eddie had been at a Court with Adrian.

They'd split up because Court was heavily warded and Eddie didn't need to be by his side all times of the day. Adrian was deemed safe so he gave Eddie the day off. How ridiculous that seemed now. No one was safe. Wards kept Strigoi out, but they were useless in the face of nuclear weapons.

Adrian had no idea what had happened to him. He was relieved when his mind latched onto something, signaling a successful effort.

"Eddie, thank god!"

Adrian pulled the much larger man into his arms, trying to hide his shock over his guardian's much different appearance. Eddie, normally clean shaven with a military style haircut, had since grown an impressive beard and the length of his hair rivaled Adrian's.

"Ivashkov," Eddie breathed, returning the hug.

"You're alive."

Eddie laughed before nodding. He didn't look as shocked as Adrian did however.

"I'm sorry I wasn't with you that day," Eddie professed genuinely. He sat down in a chair that manifested just to the right of them. Adrian took a seat beside him, a question in his eyes. He examined Eddie's aura, seeing flashes of many things, shock not being one of them. Eddie's lips upturned into a small grin. "Leave it to Rose to pick up my slack."

It suddenly dawned on him.

"Wait, are you with Jill? Please tell me you're with Jill."

Eddie's smile grew. "I am. We're both okay."

"She's safe," Adrian exhaled in relief. She was his next target. Now he wouldn't have to seek her out. If she was with Eddie, he knew she was in safe hands. How in the world they'd ended up together was beyond him.

And where were they anyways?

The dream crackled around them leaving Adrian's questions to die on his lips.

"You're being woken up."

Eddie didn't look too concerned which led Adrian to believe that he was in a safe location for now.

"Visit me again later? We should talk."

Adrian was only able to nod before the dream flickered and Eddie disappeared completely leaving Adrian alone.

A small moan emitted from Rose beside him. He watched as her face scrunched up in displeasure. She jerked to the side as another whimper left her lips.

His hand reached for hers and he entangled her fingers with his own. When this didn't calm her, he ran a hand up and down her arm while shushing her gently, hoping it would ease her.

She was having a nightmare. Had he more energy, he would've entered her dreams to take her away from whatever demon she was facing tonight but he was drained.

She settled completely when he started running his fingers through her hair. His eyes darted down to the two small puncture wounds on her neck, evidence of what he'd done earlier.

He had conflicting feelings about it.

It had aroused something in him that he couldn't acknowledge to anyone, much less himself. He had no romantic feelings for her anymore, at least none that could warrant the guilt he felt.

The more he mulled over it, the easier it became to see why he felt bad. It felt like a betrayal to both Sydney and Dimitri for multiple reasons. Rose and Adrian were once involved. In fact, they'd shared this experience once before. And at that time of his life, he was very much in love with her and it was very much so a sexually charged experience.

Both were married now. Both were severely aching for their partners. Both were depleted and dejected from the long length of time without human touch.

A plethora of feelings were at play here. Both were way too emotionally fragile. If it were up to him, and if things were different, he wouldn't drink from her again. It would mess with his head...but he knew Rose. She'd want to maintain the contact they had with the outside world and would undoubtedly want him to keep searching for Dimitri and Christian. He wanted those things too, but the added complications of Rose being the one he drank from troubled him.

He tried not to focus on the way Rose had moaned earlier when his fangs sunk into her.

Frustrated with himself, he wished that he had a pack of cigarettes. He would've given anything just for one puff. He craved fresh air too, but that was just as impossible.

Instead he tried to focus on his friend's breathing. In and out, peaceful. He held her hand just a bit tighter, clinging to the refuge that her slumber provided now that her nightmare at subsided. He hoped some would flow into him.

It was what he would tell his kindergarten students when one of them would get upset or frustrated. He'd sit them down and would get down on his knees to meet them at eye level, something Sydney had told him would make them feel comfortable. He'd comfort them by giving words of encouragement, ending his spiel by holding their hand while telling them to breathe evenly in and out with him. _Take some of my strength. Let my calmness seep into you through our hands. Everything will be okay._

In truth, he used a tiny bit of compulsion too. It was harmless and most of the time, his kids were upset over something minuscule like drawing outside the lines or _how come my drawing doesn't look as good as yours?_

He smiled to himself, remembering the specific student who had said that in particular. The tiny faces of his class flashed through his thoughts. His heart panged. They were so young and innocent. He hoped for all of their safety though he knew it useless.

He gripped Rose's hand as he repeated his own calming words like a mantra in his head.

 _Take some of Rose's strength. Let her calmness seep into you through your hands. Everything will be okay._

He hoped the words would be enough because it was impossible to compel himself. Again and again he relayed the words, hoping he could take just some of Rose's snoozing solace.

He really needed it.

* * *

"We need to try again."

"Rose—" Adrian protested. He was over _everything_ today. Whether it was just a mood swing or a symptom of being confined to this hell hole he couldn't tell. It was getting hard for him to distinguish one from the other.

He had gotten better at seeing the signs of his disorder, but everything blurred together these days.

Like expected, Rose was devastated when he told her he'd been unable to reach either of the missing men. Impressive even by his regard, she turned her despair into hope on a dime. She clung to the reasonable assumption that he himself had considered.

"It has to be the time difference. It was morning in Russia last time we tried," she urged, tugging on the hand he had concealed frustratingly over his face. He knew she wasn't going to stop until he gave in.

"Fine."

With that, she bared her neck to him, arching herself forward toward his waiting mouth. He bit his lip and dug his nails deep into his palm.

Not liking the betraying reaction his body gave, he almost walked away then and there but Rose was relentless. She'd been asking for days. A few days had past since they'd last tried. It was too long as far as Rose was concerned, but to Adrian it wasn't nearly long enough.

He needed time to mentally steel himself, but Rose was aggressive by nature. She inched closer when he didn't move and made a sound as if to say, _what are you waiting for?_

"Here goes nothing," he choked before sinking his fangs into Rose's neck once again.

Rose whimpered blissfully as one of her hands gripped his shirt. The other she buried deep into his hair, fisting his locks as he lapped at her pulse point.

Adrian breathed evenly as he fought to steady his racing heart. _Get it together_.

When he pulled back, Rose's grip on him did not falter. She was _very_ close, their panting sighs mingled together. Her lips were just a breath away from his. Her eyes were heavy lidded and everything in her gaze said _kiss me_ , but he couldn't. They'd both regret it.

He knew it was just the bloodlust. Neither of them truly wanted the other. It was a tricky thing. As if realizing it at the same time, Rose released him and they both backed away from each other in search of some much needed space.

Rose clasped her hand over her neck to stop the bleeding and then sat back even farther away from him. "I'll be over here," she said clearing her throat.

He nodded, grateful that they were both on the same page.

As he closed his eyes, he decided next time he drank from her because there would be a next time he'd choose to drink from somewhere less intimate like her wrist.

* * *

Rose fought the urge to pick at her nails while she waited for Adrian to wake beside her. This had to work. If it didn't, she didn't know what she would do.

When he first broke the news to her, she nearly broke down. She shed _more_ than a few tears when he relayed what Sydney had told him about St. Basil's but then her mind clung to the only shred of hope she had left. It was all she could do to keep sane.

Maybe neither Dimitri nor Christian _were_ sleeping at the time. That _had_ to have been it. She couldn't bare for it to be anything else. There was no way they were dead. Both Dimitri and Christian were way too resourceful for that.

Rose was incredibly happy and relieved to hear that Sydney, Eddie and Jill were alive and seemingly okay for the time being. The promise of information Sydney could give them made her feel like there was a chance there could be a life after all of this. But she wasn't sure if she wanted to be a part of it if she didn't have her husband with her.

She took the victory in strides. Her friends were okay. For that, she would allow herself to be thankful.

But they weren't Dimitri.

Unable to calm her nerves, she stood from the bed and left the room, needing to busy herself with something.

She found herself walking to the makeshift gym that the dhampirs had created. They used one of the empty bedrooms and stripped it of its furniture, creating space to do exercises that didn't require a lot of room.

They could spar here so their skills didn't get rusty. They could do bodyweight exercises as well which is what Rose planned to take advantage of, but when she got there she realized the room was already occupied.

Mark looked up from his position on the floor. He was mid crunch. He raised an eyebrow at her loud entrance and then sat up.

"Come to spar?"

She wanted to wipe that stupid smirk off of his face. She couldn't stand him. It was safe to say she didn't need much convincing to kick his ass into next week, but now wasn't the time. She was too ansty and couldn't promise that she could keep herself under control.

She shook her head and then took a spot as far away from him as possible to begin her routines.

He hadn't moved an inch and instead watched her as she counted her reps. Rose did her best to ignore him, but when he opened his mouth he made it pretty damn difficult.

"Cmon, why not? You've fought Crystal. Gene, too." He stood, dusting his pants off. "I'll go easy on you."

Rose rolled her eyes but offered no reply. She wouldn't give in to his game. Not when she was anxiously waiting to find out whether the love of her life was alive or dead.

"Who knows," he paused and Rose waited for the words to leave his lips, "you might even get lucky and win." There it was. That word again. _Lucky_.

She continued counting.

In the rush of the moment, she hadn't bothered to tie her hair back, meaning with each rep it moved back and forth over her shoulder.

Mark egged her on, his comments getting more infuriating as he went on until finally, the other shoe dropped. "Even if you can't beat me, I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were you. A woman like you has other options."

She paused, taking the bait. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I hear the dhampir communes are pretty welcoming to newcomers…if there are still any left."

Her back stiffened as she glared at him. He chuckled before shooting a maniacal grin her way. He gestured to her neck. "You're already more than half-way there, _bloodwhore_."

 _That's it._

Rose leapt from her position on the ground and lunged for him. She landed a clean and powerful punch to his jaw before knocking him to the ground in one quick motion. She swept him quite literally off his feet and was on him in seconds.

It took both Gene and Alec to pull her off.

He was beaten to a bloody pulp and Rose was proud. The fucking bastard deserved it.

Lissa entered the room after hearing all the commotion and gasped at the sight.

She tried healing Mark's injuries as she demanded to know what happened but it was of no use. Her powers wouldn't work without more blood.

"He's had that coming for weeks," Rose spat, wiping her bloody knuckles onto her shirt. She didn't even wince.

Lissa eyed her worriedly. While she had to admit that Mark was an annoying asshole, Rose was usually so good at keeping herself in check.

"What happened?" Lissa asked again, this time going over to Rose. She kept her voice low as the others started helping Mark.

Gene got him water and Alec pulled out the same first aid kit he'd used to stitch Rose up. Alec was muttering something underneath this breath as Mark groaned in pain. Rose could see Alec fighting off a grin as he poured alcohol onto Mark's broken skin causing him to hiss. Rose wasn't alone in her hatred for the fucker.

"He said something he shouldn't have," was all Rose offered as she got to her feet.

They hadn't told Lissa anything yet. Rose felt incredibly guilty about that, but the two of them swore not to speak a word of it to anyone until they were able to make contact with Christian or Dimitri.

Lissa would've undoubtedly asked about Christian had they shared that Adrian was dreamwalking. Not giving her a satisfactory answer would've confirmed his death to Lissa, even if it weren't the truth.

Neither of them were willing to admit something else to her either, that Rose was giving her blood to Adrian. It wasn't that they were worried that Lissa would look at them differently. Rose had given her blood to Lissa many times after all. It was just that they didn't want her to take it the wrong way...like Mark had.

She should've given Lissa the benefit of the doubt, but her own muddled feelings over it prevented her from doing so. She'd keep it a secret until she couldn't anymore.

"Show them your neck, Rose." _I guess the time was now_.

Rose glared daggers into Mark as he watched her interaction with Lissa from across the room. She could kill him.

Seeing the murderous look in her eye, Gene shoved Mark's side harshly causing him to wince. "Shut your mouth, Mark."

Alec muttered something else under his breath, silencing Mark completely. Rose stood, not wanting to make the situation worse and then fled the room. Lissa was hot on her tail. Crystal joined the guys in the training room sensing that she'd be an unwelcome observer to whatever Lissa and Rose were discussing.

Lissa wrapped a pale hand around Rose's wrist to stop her. "Rose, what's going on?"

"Nothing," she brushed off, not wanting to have this conversation now.

"You know you can tell me anything and I wont judge you." When Rose stayed silent, Lissa continued. "If you and Adrian are..." she paused as she struggled to find the words, eventually choosing to pass over them, "I won't judge. I'm your best friend no matter what."

A tear slipped from her jade colored eyes causing Rose to feel horrible. She opened her mouth to confess when the door on the other side of the room opened abruptly.

Adrian bound in, his chest rising rapidly.

His eyes locked onto Rose's immediately.

"I found him."

* * *

 _A/N: Let me know what you think :)_


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy._

 _A/N: This chapter is one of my favorites to date! Expect to hear more from secondary characters soon. Everyone will play a key role in getting the vampire world back on its feet. For now, let's just start with hearing from one of our favorite characters :)_

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Everything else was background noise.

"What did you just say?" Rose's voice wavered; She was reluctant to get her hopes up.

Hope was a dangerous thing, especially in a place like this. It couldn't be true. It was impossible. Sydney had said St. Basils was destroyed. There was nothing left of it except ash.

"I found him," Adrian repeated, elation on his face. He wore a large sized grin that she hadn't seen him sport since he announced his marriage to Sydney.

"This isn't funny," She began, her lower lip trembling despite her attempts to keep her emotions under control. It had been a tough rollercoaster. From Adrian's bite, to the strange feelings that accompanied it, to dealing with Mark and Lissa, Rose was in no shape to handle such a cruel joke.

She brushed past both him and Lissa to hide out in her room. They followed after her quickly, Adrian stopping her with an arm on her shoulder.

He released her instantly when she turned to glare at him.

"Rose, I'm serious." Rose searched his eyes for any sign of insincerity but came up empty handed. He was being serious. "I found him. I found Dimitri."

"What?" She grabbed him by the shirt, curling her fingers around the fabric for stability. She was shaky on her feet.

He nodded, the smile returning. He eyed Lissa. "I found Dimitri and Christian is with him."

Lissa yelped in utter relief. She sank into a nearby couch and buried her head into her hands. Her thin shoulders shook as she cried silently. Rose was right there with her in that respect. Tears were streaming down her cheeks down to her chin.

"Tell us everything."

They joined Lissa on the couch and Adrian delved into his experience.

The beginning of the dream was foggy, which was usual it turned out. The first distinct thing he could recall was how dark it was in the location that Dimitri had taken him to.

No two dreamwalking experiences were alike. Sometimes Adrian needed to dip into the person's mind to create the scene (like he had when he found Sydney), other times the person's mind was so powerfully vivid that the setting would already exist in Adrian's eye so he wouldn't have to do any probing. In Dimitri's case, this is what happened.

Adrian had unknowingly walked into a horror scene. Even with his enhanced Moroi sight, it took a minute for his eyes to adjust to the blackness that engulfed him.

Where was he? Was this a nightmare of Dimitri's or was it a real place? Had he latched onto the right person? He had never misfired before but spirit wasn't an exact science after all.

He took a few cautious steps forward, his hands reaching out for something — anything.

"Adrian?"

His shoulders relaxed, the tenseness in them fading away at the sound of the familiar Russian drawl he'd come to recognize as Dimitri Belikov's voice.

Adrian turned around but was met with a man he did not recognize. It was Dimitri but it didn't look like him.

His skin was scarred where he could see. It didn't look raw but it hadn't fully healed yet either. They weren't open wounds but more like a layer of redness sitting on top of the skin with flaky dead skin spattering random spots.

His hair was longer than usual and looked unclean. Facial hair that he never spotted before had grown in impressively. If things were normal, Adrian would've been jealous of that.

There was a roughness to his demeanor and a hardness in his eyes that he didn't have before.

"Belikov." He greeted. Adrian had grown comfortable in Dimitri's presence over the time they'd spent together in Palm Springs and then when everything involving Declan's birth went down, but he found himself reverting to calling the dhampir by his last name. They were on a first name basis now, why had he done that?

Adrian took a couple steps closer to Dimitri, his paces slow and unthreatening. He didn't know why he felt wary but he was always one to follow his gut in situations like this. Dimitri's aura was adding to his worries. It was black in certain corners, much like Rose's used to be when she was still bonded.

He had seen some shit, to put it lightly.

"We've been looking for you." Adrian stated plainly. He didn't know where to lead the conversation next but this seemed a route appropriate as any.

Dimitri's eyebrow lifted. "We?"

He nodded, feeling dumb for not having mentioned it outright. Of course he would want to know that his wife was alive and well. At least as well as anyone could be right now. "Rose and Lissa."

At this, Dimitri closed the distance between the two and grabbed Adrian by the shoulders. His brown eyes probed Adrian's green ones. There was a disbelieving glint in Dimitri's chestnut gaze. "You're with her?"

Adrian smiled. There was the Dimitri he knew. God, if his twenty one year old self could see him now. He was incredibly comforted by how in love and concerned for Rose that Dimitri was. His little dhampir was Dimitri's _Roza_ , his _everything_. He could see the overpowering worry that Dimitri had for his wife. Adrian could only hope Sydney knew that he felt the exact same way about her.

Through all the morose bleakness of the events that transpired a couple months back, it only made sense that love was the thing to bring the joy back into their lives. He couldn't wait to see the look on Rose's face when he told her.

"I am and she's been worried sick about you."

Dimitri's face softened, restoring some of his recognizable features into place. Adrian had come to realize that while Dimitri was usually steel faced and a complete force in battle, underneath it all, he was a kind and compassionate man.

"Roza…" he mumbled, glancing down at his left ring finger meaningfully. "She is okay?"

"As okay as anyone can be given the circumstances."

Dimitri nodded, his faith restored. He clenched a fist over his heart before his eyes returned to Adrian's. "And Lissa?"

"Not a hair out of place. She's worried about Christian though."

"Christian is the same as me." He gestured to the marks on his skin, the redness in his eyes, his pale pallor. The irony of his appearance did not escape Dimitri. He looked similar to how he did as Strigoi much to his dismay. He didn't have a mirror though so at least he wasn't burdened by his own reflection.

"How are you two still alive?" Adrian asked, blurting it out after pausing to decide if it was too insensitive to ask. His curiosity and need for the full story won over. Besides, he knew Rose wouldn't be too pleased if he didn't give her and Lissa adequate information. He tried to imagine himself in Rose's place. What would he want to know if it was Sydney in Russia? What questions would he want asked?

Dimitri looked around the deserted road, a wistful gleam in his eye. He sighed before bending to sit on the curb. Adrian followed suit. He waited patiently for Dimitri to share.

He opened his mouth begin, shook his head, paused and then spoke. "There was little to no warning." Dimitri paused, his voice vibrating with despair. He wiped his eyes. "Christian and I were lucky. We were on our way to Tver. It's a city west of Moscow. We were on the road when I got the call. St. Basils is located between the two almost perfectly at the half-way point.

"There are some nice rivers in that area and school was out of session for the weekend, so Christian convinced me to approve a small overnight trip." Dimitri laughed humorlessly. There was an unmistakable tremor in his voice. "My nieces and nephew are — were — students at the academy. They begged to come along with us but I told them they needed to stay behind so they could focus on their studies."

Dimitri's shoulders began to shake. It was a sight. Adrian had never thought he'd see someone he regarded as unwaveringly strong break in such a depressing way. He tried to think of what to say. _What would Rose say?_

"I'm so sorry, Dimitri. There was no way you could've known. It's not your fault." It wasn't much but it was the best Adrian could do.

An immeasurable amount of time passed as Dimitri tried to regain control of his sorrow. Survivor's guilt was something he'd grown accustomed to. They were like old friends at this point. It was an occupational hazard, but his acquaintance with the feeling was incomparable. First with Ivan, then when he was restored.

He dwelled on that as the two of them sat quietly together, taking comfort in the mere presence of the other. Dimitri, as mournful as he was, pushed through the grief. He couldn't let these short moments of opportunity pass him up. He knew Rose would be waiting for news when the dream ended. He wanted her to know as much as possible so he continued.

"We were far enough that all we saw was a flash of light and the mushroom cloud in the distance. The light blinded us. Our car wrecked into a tree." He flinched, recalling the memory. "We walked the rest of the way before a government car picked us up and dropped us in Tver. The radiation isn't so bad here but it's still taking a toll." He gestured to his skin as evidence.

"You have to get out of there!" Adrian urged. He was no expert when it came to the effects of radiation, but the sight of Dimitri's skin was unpleasant. And Adrian knew that radiation didn't always present itself in ways that were visible to the eye. The poison in the air could be messing with the cells in Christian and Dimitri's blood which would lead to medical problems down the line. Dhampirs and Moroi had great immune systems, better than humans, but even then. There weren't any studies on the effects of radiation on vampires. This was unprecedented.

"We're trying but it's hard."

"Your lives are at stake."

"Russia is different than America," Dimitri explained, not rising to meet Adrian's temper. He was the picture of calm. "The country is on lockdown at the borders and with Christian needing to feed...it's just hard."

"You still have to try. You can't give up now. _This_ isn't okay." Adrian pointed to his singed skin. "Rose would want you to try."

Dimitri pondered his words and then changed the subject. Adrian hoped he would truly consider trying to cross into Europe. Sydney had told him that other countries hadn't gotten involved in America and Russia's mess. Any location in Europe would offer a safe refuge for the two. "How is Rose doing really? I've been thinking about her almost every second."

Leave it to the cradle robber to worry more about his wife than his own health when he was literally suffering from the effects of radiation from a nuclear bomb. It was baffling but the devotion between Rose and Dimitri was inimitable.

The first thing that came to mind was the bites they'd shared. He danced over that topic for obvious reasons, reasoning that Rose would prefer to be the one to tell him.

"She is handling. You know how she is. She wouldn't dare burden anyone else with her struggles. She hates being confined to such a small space but she's the picture of strength when we need her. We're in the Court bunker."

Dimitri actually chuckled. "I'll bet she got a kick out of that."

Adrian felt like there was a story there he wasn't privy to. "I don't know, the charm wore off pretty fast."

Dimitri smiled, lost in a memory. He was grateful that she was okay. There had been a weight on his chest over the last five months. He dreamt of her often. What he wouldn't give to hold her in his arms. He knew Christian and Lissa must have felt the same.

"Tell Lissa that Christian is in safe hands."

Adrian nodded. He could feel the dream fading around them. Adrian had more questions but they'd have to wait.

"I'll tell Rose you're okay."

"Tell her that I love her...more than anything."

"I will."

And then Adrian woke up back in his bed. His eyes had panned the room in search of Rose but she was nowhere to be found. He heard a commotion from the other room and decided he'd follow it because he knew he'd probably find Rose at the center.

Rose sat back into the cushions of the couch and let go of a huge breath she felt like she'd been holding for ages.

"He's alive." She mumbled, her hand finding Lissa's. She held on tight.

"They're both alive," Lissa hadn't stopped crying since the first mention of her husband's wellbeing.

She'd been trying to remain stately. She was the Queen of their world and therefore was a pro at appearing to be unbothered in the face of adversity. She'd sort of failed at that while she down here, crying almost everyday without regard to who saw.

Today she regained a lot of her strength and drive.

She had learned that other countries were unharmed and uninvolved. Some form of government must have continued on after her disappearance. She tried to remember the chain of command below her. After her was the council members, most of whom were inhabitants of court. Who in the world came next?

The Council all lived here… who was after that? She cursed as she searched her mind trying to remember who came next in line. She could see the page in her hands, but she couldn't remember any names past the council.

 _Wait._

While all council members lived at Court, rich Moroi were notorious vacationers. She remembered one of them telling her they'd be out of the continent for the next month. _Vlad_ , who was it?

Trauma had a funny way of retaining certain things and losing others.

While Lissa could remember the amount of notches in the ceiling of her bedroom here, she couldn't recall an important conversation she held with a faceless council member that happened only months ago.

Time away from Court as a council member wasn't something she should've forgotten so easily. As a member of the council, one was required to inform the Queen of his or her absence. Approval was necessary as well as a paper informing the length of the vacation and the location along with contact information in case of emergency.

She tore through her memories. She knew it wasn't Adrian's father, thank the heavens. She'd seen Marcus Lazar and Ronald Ozera as she was leaving her office for her own vacation house with Rose and her guardians. Her mind went down the line of the rest of the Royal reps until she had her answer. It was Ariana Szelsky.

If the others were out of contact, the throne would fall to her until Lissa was able to reclaim it. It was a relief to her that someone she didn't outright dislike was in charge. She knew their world would be upheld safely under Ariana.

Lissa needed to start planning and preparing.

Her stagnant life just started moving again. Her people were still out there. Christian was out there. There were people relying on her to remain calm and strong under all this tension. She needed paper and a pen to start devising a plan.

A plan she'd set into motion the minute she regained her position.

Changes needed to be made. If something like this ever happened, they would be ready, starting with possibly moving Court to a new location. Pennsylvania was too close to target cities in America. Or perhaps, create a fail safe warning system. She predicted it would be hard to convince the panel of voters to relocate the center of their government. It would be like trying to move Washington D.C. for the humans. The location was too historic.

Installing more bunkers would be beneficial as well, even as a precaution. There'd been two World Wars already. It was a reasonable request to install more safehouses for the population. Updating the Court bunker was a given. No way anyone shoulder suffer through this hell again.

Wiping the tears from her face, she stood, bringing both Adrian and Rose's attention to her. She feigned needing some time to herself, wanting to keep her plans under wraps until she came up with a foolproof plan. If she ran into any problems, she'd consult them for ideas, but for now, this would be her baby.

She hadn't forgotten about the strange relationship between Rose and Adrian that had suddenly been brought to light, but she didn't need to ask about it anymore. She was a smart person. She wasn't voted Queen for nothing. It was obvious to her that Rose was feeding Adrian so he could dreamwalk. Why they hadn't shared their plans with her was a mystery, but she could understand it.

When she got to her room, she dug into her drawers in search of the notepad she'd stowed away in one of them. She flipped past the pages of doodles she'd been drawing to pass the time and started on a clean page.

' _NUCLEAR WAR PROTOCOL'_

Back in the living room, Rose and Adrian sat together in silence. Neither addressed the elephant in the room, but it was on both of their minds.

The other dhampirs floated out of the makeshift gym and wandered into their personal spaces. Adrian raised an eyebrow at Mark's bloodied face. He shot Rose a questionable look to which she shrugged. His eyes fell to her knuckles which were red and raw.

He grabbed her injured hand and she watched as the open wounds closed up. She snatched her hand away but muttered a ' _thanks'_ anyway.

They were alone now.

Rose sighed and Adrian braced himself for what was coming.

"About what happened earlier..."

Adrian raised a hand to stop her from going any further. "You don't have to say it. It was a lapse in judgment. The bite was messing with our heads."

Rose nodded in agreement. Her mind went back to Dimitri as it usually did. She couldn't explain how joyous she was that her comrade was still alive and worrying about her. _I love you...more than anything_. She loved him just the same.

She couldn't give up this line of communication with him. Now that she knew he was out there, she'd need continuous updates on him. She hoped Adrian would understand. She knew he had to feel the same way about Sydney, but he'd been reluctant to drink from her earlier so she was worried he'd refuse her completely after they'd almost kissed.

"We can't stop..." she trailed off, worried about the reaction he'd give her. Would he refuse?

He grabbed her hand again, this time as reassurance. "I know."

Things were still bleak, there was no doubt about it, but at least there was hope now, a future Rose could build toward. She would cling to it like a lifesaver in this treacherous and unforgiving ocean that was life.

First things first. She had to convince Dimitri to get to Europe, one way or another.

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 _A/N: Feedback? :)_


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy_

 _A/N: I promised we'd hear from secondary characters so here we go._

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"Janine, will you stop pacing?"

Abe reclined in his chair, pissing the redhead off even more. He hardly seemed worried at all and it was driving her insane. How could he not be going mad?

Their daughter was missing, along with the Queen. Neither had been heard from in _months. Months!_

Surely if they were alive, they would've found some way to contact _someone_ by now, but nothing. Radio silence on all frequencies and Abe didn't seen to care an ounce. Their daughter was one of the smartest people she'd ever known, she was an incredibly resourceful young woman. She would've found a way to get in touch by now.

As a seasoned guardian, Janine knew the appropriate protocol should something like this happen. The Queen would've been ushered into the underground bunker just along the edge of Court. At all costs, the Queen was to be transported there where it was deemed safe.

Knowing what she did brought comfort to her when the first bombs dropped. Her only daughter would be fine. She would be hidden away with her best friend, Vasilisa, until it was safe to come back out again. But as time went on and the radios she _knew_ were in the bunker failed to signal that her daughter and her friend were safe, her motherly instinct set in. She was insurmountable worried.

Janine hoped for the best but prepared for the worst. As time passed with no word, the feeling of utter turmoil in her gut grew, moving to other parts of her body like a parasite until she was reduced to a jittery mess.

Abe hadn't seen her like this since she was pregnant.

He remembered holding her in his arms while they were tucked away on a weekend vacation in a lush hotel in Turkey. She was incredibly terrified of having a child. They loved each other and their soon-to-be baby but she was very career-oriented. She had goals and was a badass in the field.

Rosemarie hadn't been planned and Janine was scared she'd make a mess of it all. At that point, she had already decided to send Rosemarie to an academy and would visit as much as her job would permit, but what if it wasn't enough?

Rosemarie would already have to live without one of her parents because of the dangers it would inflict upon her, should her relation to Ibrahim be made public knowledge. Could she handle not having both parents around? That was no way for a child to grow up.

If the young and pregnant Janine could see herself now. She'd realize, while there were bumps along the way, that her child had ended up just fine. Better than fine, really. She was more than anything she or Abe could've hoped for. She was beautiful, strong, courageous, determined, and crafty. _Not so unlike her mother_ , Abe thought.

Abe wasn't worried yet. He knew from his contacts that radio towers in the impacted area were down at the moment. A group of humans were working on fixing them as the radiation had lessened just recently. It wasn't safe to be in the area without protection, but with the appropriate suits and breathing masks, it was manageable in short time frames. Janine knew this because Abe had told her, but she wouldn't listen to reason.

Abe, on the other hand, wouldn't allow himself to panic until the communication lines were opened and there was still no word from her. He knew his daughter. They'd grown close in the last five years. He knew she would've done everything in her power to stay alive and keep her best friend safe. And in addition, he knew that one of them had to be mentally stable. He took that responsibility upon himself when he realized Janine was started to spiral downward.

"I don't get how you're so calm. I mean for _Christ's sake,_ Abe, you're lounging like you're on vacation!" Abe sighed and righted his chair for her sake. Maybe then she'd stop worrying? No such luck.

"I'm just as concerned as you, Janine, but I refuse to worry until I absolutely have to."

Abe caught Janine's hand as she passed, pulling her down onto his lap. She huffed, bothered that he'd halted her method of dealing, but sank into him nonetheless. He wrapped her in his arms, making her feel like she was in her early twenties again. It was funny how sometimes it felt like no time had passed between them.

He placed a kiss in her hair and rested his chin on her shoulder. "You need to calm down. Worrying yourself to death won't do our daughter any good. Trust me on this one, Janie."

She arched a brow at the nickname. No one had called her that in decades. He smiled at her reaction and then kissed her exposed neck, nuzzling closer to her skin to get past the layer of auburn curls.

She had half a mind to punch him the gut, but his small show of affection relaxed her so she held off for now. When they crossed paths after disaster struck, she never expected they would come together like _this_.

Janine had been with her charge in Europe, where he was living for the summer, when it happened. They both hopped on a plane and made for the nearest academy, which was a newer legislation mandated by the former Queen, Tatiana Ivashkov, when something dangerous like a major Strigoi attack occurred.

The thought process was that it would be easier to keep charges safe in a more controlled environment. The wards of an academy provided that level of protection. Ever since the attack on St. Vladimir's Academy, safety was heightened at the schools and wards were checked on a daily basis, making it the perfect place to hunker down.

It was there, at St. Henrik's Academy in Finland, that she and Ibrahim reunited.

They bonded over their concern for their daughter right away, and though Janine fought the buried feelings she harbored for the father of her child, they won over when he kissed her for the first time in over two decades.

At the time, Abe had been trying to calm her but nothing was working so he resorted to distraction. It was just a kiss, but it was enough to uncover years and years of pent up frustration and yearning.

Deciding to trust him, Janine backed down and relaxed even further into his embrace. His hand gripped hers, rubbing small circles into her palm.

They sat there for a while, trying to live in the now and not let their thoughts run wild, only pulling apart when an orderly knock landed on the door.

She jumped off of him fast, like she was afraid of being caught in a suggestive position.

"Come in," Abe called from his chair. Janine moved to stand behind him in a protective stance.

The door opened, revealing Pavel, Abe's head guardian. Both of Rose's parents relaxed when they saw him. He greeted them both and delivered some much needed news.

"I have a message from Sydney Sage."

One of Abe's eyebrows arched, almost meeting his impressive hairline. He hadn't heard from the ex-alchemist in quite some time, since she had already repaid her debt to him. The only time he heard of her these days was when Rose mentioned her.

As Pavel relayed her message, both Janine and Abe's shoulders sank in pure relief. It was the news they'd been waiting for.

Their daughter and the Queen were alive.

* * *

Janine lept into action immediately.

She excused herself from Pavel and Abe after a quick hug from the latter and made her way to the interim Queen, Ariana Szelsky, who was also staying at the academy for now.

It was the safest place to be at the moment, and as the temporary Queen, she needed all the protection she could get. The royal guard was scattered at this point and with a lot of lines of communication down, it was proving difficult to get certain things in order. St. Henrik's was acting as an interim Court for the time being.

It just so happened that Ariana was with her cousin, Janine's charge, also a Szelsky royal.

"Lord Szelsky," she greeted with a nod. "Queen Szelsky."

"Guardian Hathaway, always a pleasure," Ariana returned, gesturing for Janine to rise from the bow she gave in a show of respect.

"I come with great news."

Ariana gestured for Janine to continue.

"Queen Vasilisa Dragomir is alive." And so was her daughter, but she doubted that was of much importance to Ariana right now.

After much explanation, the trio ended up before the population of St. Henrik's to make the announcement.

Janine stood to Ariana's right, while her charge stood to Ariana's left, one hand gripping hers for encouragement. The interim Queen stood behind a podium as she addressed her subjects.

"I have just received word that the Queen, Vasilisa Dragomir, is alive."

Gasps erupted from the crowd. They grew rowdy, shouting an endless spew of questions.

"Where is she?"

"How is she alive?"

"When is she reclaiming her title?"

"When can we leave St. Henrik's?"

They were growing restless. Ariana was struggling. While she was adequately able to reign as a Queen under normal circumstances, this was much different. Her resources were dry. Her contacts only reached so far. It had taken an unknown alchemist to bring news of Vasilisa. If she was being honest, the job was proving to be much harder than she thought. It felt like everything and everyone was working against her.

She silenced everyone with a loud bang to the podium with her fist. She winced when she pulled back, wishing she had a gavel.

Everyone stared at her expectantly.

"I am unable to answer all of your questions at this time. I know everyone is feeling restless. Believe me, I know. I want to go home as much as all of you, but we can't risk anything for the time being. In the face of this unimaginable tragedy, we must stick together and keep our heads."

She tried to channel Vasilisa while she spoke. The Dragomir Queen always had a way with words. What she lacked in age and experience, she made up for with her eloquent articulation.

"I am working to make contact with a team that is testing Pennsylvania's radiation levels so we can relocate back to Court as soon as possible. I have no further news on the Queen other than that she is safe and under the watchful eye of her head guardian, Rosemarie Hathaway."

Ariana paused, turning to her cousin apologetically, before her eyes landed on Janine.

"With the disappearance of Hans Croft, I am appointing Guardian Janine Hathaway as his replacement until we are able to locate him." Janine's jaw almost dropped. It was apparent that Ariana had made the decision on the spot, the look of surprise on Lord Szelsky's face was confirmation enough.

It was a big promotion. Some would've seen it as a dumb decision. Janine was one of the best in her field and reallocating her to an office job seemed inefficient but Ariana needed to buckle down and make some decisions in order to regain some control and order. Janine was the one who had come to her with information on Vasilisa after all, and Ariana knew of her relationship with Ibrahim Mazur. She knew it was in her best favor to have him on her side, what with his neverending resources and contacts, and promoting Janine would help with that.

"As we work to rebuild and regain some semblance of order in our community, please continue to remain patient. I will consult with all of you when we have more news. Long live Queen Vasilisa."

With that, she stepped down from her podium and nodded to Janine who shot her a reassuring look.

The three of them retired to the Queen's temporary quarters. When they were away from curious ears, Ariana apologized to Janine and her cousin. "I'm sorry I didn't consult you both first, but I needed to make a move."

Janine answered. "No consultation necessary, Your Majesty. You are the current ruler and anything you decide is best goes."

Lord Szelsky didn't seem too pleased but he knew that his former guardian was right. It wasn't the time for him to make a fuss.

"Good," Ariana commented. She fell into her chair exhausted by the day's events. "Guardian Hathaway, I've appointed you to this position because you are smart and very capable, but on the same hand, I will also need something in return from you."

Janine stilled, worried about what it was that she'd be asked of. "Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Whatever contact you have through Ibrahim, I'll need to use it. As much as it frustrates me to admit, he has a farther reach than I do right now and the crowds are already unruly enough. I need something to tell them other than 'we need to stick together'."

Janine thought it best to not share that the news on Vasilisa wasn't Abe's doing at all.

Nevertheless, she nodded.

"I think the first thing we should address is a timeline. We need to know how much longer we'll have to stay out of the states. I want an open line of communication with the Queen as well. She is well loved by everyone and I suspect news from her will placate the masses until we have some substantial information on the habitability of the East coast."

"Of course, Your Majesty. I will get to it right away." She responded, praying that Sydney would be able to help. It had been Adrian Ivashkov that had made all of this possible. Without action from him, this was all over.

It was a weak tower of cards. Should one card be out of place, the whole thing would fall to pieces.

They needed to get back in touch with Sydney and could only hope that Adrian would contact her again and fast.

The interim Queen was growing as impatient as her subjects.

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you to all those who have reviewed. It truly warms my heart to read each of your responses. Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. :) Till next time!_


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy._

 _A/N: As always, I hope you enjoy._

* * *

"How are you holding up?"

Rose lifted her head from where it was resting on the couch arm.

She had given up trying to sleep after tossing and turning in her bed for too long. She got up when she realized sleep wasn't in her near future and ended up lounging on the sofa in the shared living space adjoined to the bunker kitchen.

When the excitement died down and Adrian returned to his room, Rose was left alone to her thoughts. She was antsy ever since Adrian told her the news about Dimitri and Christian, her thoughts moving at full speed.

Alec had been so quiet, she almost didn't hear him when he joined her. She had a lot on her mind.

Rose gave a polite grin before letting her head fall back down. "I've been better, but I've also been worse." She shrugged, brushing it off. _No biggie._

Rose moved her outstretched legs so he could sit. When he did, he folded his arms behind his head and propped his legs up onto the table in front of them. "I don't know if I could say the same for Mark. I don't think anyone's ever handed it to him that good before." He chuckled.

Rose smiled, her face playfully exasperated. "He deserved it."

"I don't disagree with you. He needs to watch his tongue." His tone was still light, but Rose could tell he meant his words wholeheartedly.

Rose nodded in agreement, her eyes shifting from the ceiling to Alec. He looked pensive, like he was deliberating something very serious. When his face relaxed, an expression of nervousness spread across his features.

He was older than Rose by ten years give or take. He was a resourceful man, knew a lot about living off a little and how to make use of what was given when it was hard to make ends meet. He'd become a real asset. He was good with his hands, whether it involved stitching up a wound or cooking a meal. He didn't strike Rose as the type of person who spooked easy, so whatever he had on his mind, it had to be something serious.

Finally, he spoke. "I don't want to overstep," he began. Rose could just make out his eyes darting over to her shoulder in the darkness. It was lights out so the bunker was dark. When his eyes peeked over again, she realized it was her neck he was observing.

Everyone except Lukas and Smith had heard Mark's accusation. Had she been in Gene, Alec, or Crystal's place, she'd be curious. "Go ahead and ask…"

"Was Mark fibbing? Or…"

Rose moved her hair to the side, putting the two tiny puncture wounds on display. Alec couldn't see much of anything even if he squinted because it was so dark, but her exaggerated movements said enough.

When Alec's voice seemed to get stuck in his throat, Rose filled the damning silence. "I did let Adrian drink from me, not that it's anyone's business."

The bite and defensiveness in her tone almost stopped Alec from asking his next question but he did anyway. "Why? Forgive me, but you don't strike me as the unfaithful type."

Rose flinched. It was a sensitive topic. She wasn't sure where giving Adrian blood fell along the _infidelity scale_ but she liked to think that it didn't even register. It wasn't out of sexual desire or need. It was to bring her closer to the man she loved, her husband Dimitri.

She did have a history with Adrian that probably complicated things to a stranger's eye. Alec's line of questioning confirmed it.

"I would never cheat on my husband. I love him more than anything." She said it simply because it was true. "What Adrian and I did wasn't for pleasure." _Though the lines blurred there for a minuscule second afterward_.

"I'm confused."

Rose sighed. It was about time she divulged a little bit of their secrets to the rest of the group. If she told Alec, she knew it would spread to the others soon enough.

She hesitated before sharing, weighing the risks. Worst case scenario, he'd grow angry with them for not sharing the line of communication they had with the outside world. It was a new line, but still. It didn't seem fair for Rose, Adrian, and Lissa to talk to their loved ones and know they're safe while the others idled by in despair. Each person had a life, their own families and friends to worry about.

Rose didn't want to keep that from them, but it wasn't her choice to make. It was Adrian's. Each spirit dream sucked the energy out of him and made him just a tiny bit madder.

She decided to lie a little. It wasn't her proudest moment, especially because she considered him a friend, but it was necessary.

"You've heard of spirit, right? The fifth element of magic?"

Alec nodded, his brow furrowing. "Yes, it's Vasilisa's element, right?"

As one of Lissa's royal guardians, it was necessary to know everything about her, including her magic element. However, because Alec was not a member of Lissa's team, he wasn't privy to this piece of information, but when Rose was bleeding out and Lissa tried her hardest to heal her, Alec put two and two together. Plus, the rumors were already floating around Court for years now. It was decided for her own safety that Lissa would neither confirm or deny the claims. It was better for people to guess than to target her for her powers like Victor Dashkov had.

Of course, behind the scenes, Lissa, Adrian, and Sonya had been seeking out spirit users on their own to try and teach them and learn from them. Only when they had a sufficient amount of Moroi identified would they publicize it, only when things were no longer dangerous.

"Correct." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "It's Adrian's too. Different users carry different abilities. Lissa can heal, while Adrian can contact people with his spirit. Anyway, we've been trying to make contact with people we know on the outside."

"That's incredible."

She nodded, not letting herself feel relieved by his lack of a bad reaction just yet. "It requires a lot of energy and takes a huge toll on him so I let him feed from me to give him the strength."

"Has it worked?"

"Yes, but just once." _Lie_.

"Who did you get in touch with?"

"An alchemist." _Not a lie, but not the full truth_.

"An alchemist?" He couldn't hide his confusion. He was probably certain Rose would say her husband or a family member, which was the truth, but he didn't need to know that. She felt bad for lying, but reminded herself it was for the best. Tension was high and even the best of people could make mistakes under such pressures. She didn't want to put Alec, Adrian, or any of the others at risk.

Better to ask for forgiveness than permission she always said. It wasn't the best motto to live by, but it had worked pretty well for her so far.

"She was very helpful. She's currently out of the country and said it was only Western Russia and the Eastern side of America that were affected."

"That's good." He didn't question anything. They were okay.

"She's with a group of people who are tracking radiation levels so if we can hold this line of communication, we're set."

"I understand now. Forgive me if I overstepped." With that, he stood from the couch, yawning with a stretch, and patted her shoulder. "It's been a long day. You should get some sleep like the rest of us, especially if you're losing a pint here and there." He cracked a smile making him appear much younger than he was. "If Mark says anything else, I'll set him straight."

Rose laughed quietly in return and waved him off as he disappeared into his room, closing the door softly behind him.

Eventually, her exhaustion won over and she fell asleep.

" _We need to talk about this, Rose."_

 _Sighing, she finally put the scrubber down in the sink and discarded the rest of the dishes to be cleaned later. He was right. She'd been driving herself mad all day while he was on duty with her rampant thoughts and as good as it felt to take out some of her anxiety on the dirty dishes, she knew it wasn't a real fix._

 _He had a plastic bag in his hand. He set it on the marble counter beside the sink and motioned for her to check out what was inside._

 _She pulled out an elongated pink box._

 _The moment of truth._

 _Fighting the urge to pick up another dish, Rose walked out of the kitchen with the box in hand and her husband in tow. Instead of hightailing it straight to the bathroom, she sank into the sofa and folded her feet underneath her._

 _He sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She reacted to the motion immediately, snuggling into his warmth and wrapping an arm around his torso._

" _I'm scared."_

" _Me too."_

 _It felt good to admit that._

 _Her period had been late by a week, something that was usually unheard of. She was never late, but a lot had been happening with Lissa and her Queenly duties so it wouldn't have been crazy that Rose was late due to stress._

 _Ever since they learned about Declan, Rose and Dimitri had tried their best to be careful just in case, but in the heat of the moment, passion sometimes took precedence over protection. Now they were paying the price._

" _What if I am?"_

 _Dimitri took his time answering, wanting to say the right thing. He knew that whatever happened, they would be okay. Rose was young, but she would make a wonderful mother. He didn't want to tell her that he'd been dreaming about her carrying his child every night since she voiced her concerns to him about her missed cycle._

" _Then we will make it work."_

" _What if I'm not?"_

" _Then everything will go back to how it was."_

" _What if I am and I don't want to be?"_

 _His voice got stuck in his throat. What then?_

" _Would you want to-to give it up?"_

 _Rose sighed. "No, of course not. I could never. I just, I'm-I-"_

 _Dimitri intervened, seeing her utter worry. "Roza," he cradled her face in his large palms. "Let's not worry ourselves until we know for sure." He pecked her lips softly and slowly, wanting to convey every emotion through the kiss. They found solace in one another, their nerves fading._

 _When they pulled away, Rose let out a deep breath and stood, grabbing the box. "You're right. God, you always know what to say to make me feel better." She smiled at him, causing his heart to glow. "I love you."_

" _I love you, too, Roza."_

 _He followed her into the bathroom._

 _The timer went off, signalling that their time was up. The test was ready, the results visible. All they had to do was flip it over and check._

" _You do it," Rose requested. Dimitri nodded, taking the white stick in his hands._

 _He flipped it over, his face falling only slightly. It was a tiny reaction, but Rose, a certified Dimitri expert, caught it._

" _I'm not, am I?"_

 _He hid his disappointment and shook his head. "No, you're not."_

 _He may have hid his sadness, but Rose couldn't hide hers. She was terrified and half hoping it would come back negative, but hearing that she truly wasn't pregnant made her sadder than she thought she would be._

 _She sunk down to her heels, wincing when her bare legs hit the cold tile. A few tears slipped out on their own accord. Dimitri sank beside her and held her until she was okay._

Dimitri Belikov was faring much better these days knowing his wife was alive.

There was a determination that coursed through his veins in a way he hadn't experienced in months.

Adrian had told him to make it across the border, but how?

He knew he had to make it happen, whatever the price. He and Christian had lingered in one location for long enough. The radiation was like a foul disease, overtaking the land around them like the plague as a surge of affected persons sought refuge in Tver.

As more and more people flooded the town, fleeing the areas closest to Moscow, the sickness almost seemed to spread though radiation wasn't contagious. The air seemed less clean, the environment more affected, but it was only an illusion brought on by the increasing population of poisoned individuals.

He couldn't blame them. They were only trying to survive, trying to find somewhere safe to live where the risk was low, but it was of no use. The radiation they'd already endeavored was inescapable. It wasn't something they could run from. It wasn't something they could wash from their clothes or bathe off from their bodies. It was attached to their skin, their DNA, their cells… A parasite of the worst nature.

As he began drafting a plan, he started to wonder if he was in denial. Was he being a hypocrite? Did he not have the same radiation sickness as everyone else?

If he were to flee with Christian for the border, was he not doing the same thing these new people in Tver were doing?

It was a dilemma he had to consider. He doubted the two of them would be allowed to cross over into another country with the borders closed while the two opposing countries came to an agreement, a truce. No government would want to risk their own population's safety by seemingly taking a side.

He considered himself lucky to be a dhampir. He was certain that without his advanced immune system, he would've been much worse off. Christian as well.

The humans had told him there was no cure for nuclear radiation poisoning. The radiation attacked your cells, altering your DNA irreparably, often leading to death or cancer. This was the case for humans, but what about vampires?

His heart panged as his thoughts drifted to his family.

Baia was far away enough from Moscow that they'd be safe, but he couldn't imagine what hell they were going through not knowing of his fate. They probably assumed him dead, along with Paul, Zoya, and Katya.

The possibility of escaping to Baia for refuge had crossed his mind, but he wasn't ready to see them yet, much like he hadn't been when he was first restored. It wasn't just because he didn't want them to see him like this, no. It was the guilt that weighed heavily on his heart that prevented him from travelling East to them.

Tears slipped from his eyes.

It was a tragedy of unimaginable proportions. It was devastating. Children did not deserve to lose their lives because of the tempers of power hungry men. He would never forgive those at fault for this.

If he thought his family was ruined when he had been turned Strigoi…

This was much worse. Nothing could undo this. No amount of Spirit could bring them back. They were too young, too innocent. His poor sisters. His poor nieces and nephew. The most he could hope for now was that their deaths had been quick and painless and that they weren't scared in their last moments.

He could see their young faces as they begged to come along with he and Christian on their weekend trip to see the rivers that were somewhat of a touristy spot in Tver. He had known Christian had planned to drink and didn't think it would be appropriate to bring his underaged family members along. What would his sisters have said?

He regretted all of that now. Had he allowed it, they'd still be alive.

 _Oh, Roza_. He never needed one of her hugs more, one of her caresses. She was the only source of comfort that could've made him feel even an ounce better. There was a reason he married her as soon as he could. She was something else, truly. It was why he needed to at least _try_ to make it back to her.

Unlike when he was restored, he now knew that in order to heal, he needed Rose. She was his salvation.

"Dimitri."

He looked up from his dirty fingernails to meet the blue eyes of his charge, and friend, Christian Ozera. There was a spring in his step, much like the one Dimitri had been sporting these days when his mind wasn't focused on the lives lost.

Christian settled himself beside Dimitri. The two of them lounged on the curb of the house they had been staying at for a few months now. It belonged to an old human couple who wanted to help people that were left homeless from the tragedy. Their children had moved away, as they were grown up now, so they had a couple of empty rooms.

The two vampires shared one room, while the others were being occupied by humans that had come this way after surviving the explosion.

It was a peculiar thing, living with humans who had no idea of your existence. Dimitri and Christian had to be careful, be smart with their moves so they didn't give the humans any reason to question anything. It meant only going outside when the sun was beginning to set, so Christian wouldn't be affected by the sun's rays in any obvious way. It meant traveling to a close Moroi blood bank very discreetly so no one grew suspicious and checking over Christian multiple times afterward to be sure there was no accidental blood stains.

"How are you holding up? You haven't been yourself lately."

Dimitri laughed somberly, scratching his flaky irritated skin where it itched. "I should be the one asking you that."

Christian scoffed. "I'm asking as your friend, not your charge. Cut the guardian bullshit."

He almost laughed. Though Christian and Rose bickered like crazy, they were more alike than they realized.

"I miss my wife," Dimitri stated plainly.

Christian patted his shoulder, trying to offer an ounce of comfort to the man he considered his closest male friend. He wouldn't admit it, but Rose took the number one spot. Lissa didn't count because she was his wife. "I know the feeling."

It was decided. Enough was enough.

Tomorrow was the day.

Neither had any idea what was in store for them on their journey to seek safety in another country, but it was a risk they had to take.

"Then let's get to them. We'll leave tomorrow first thing."

"There's the Dimitri I know."

* * *

 _A/N: The Dimitri we know and love is slowly finding his way back to feeling like himself. Let me know what you thought of this chapter if you have the time. Thank you! :)_


	9. Chapter 9

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy._

 _A/N: Thank you_ _SO much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. It makes me happier than ever :) Special thank you to the reviewer who corrected me on my misinformation. I went back and corrected it right away, so thank you for that. Here's the next chapter._

* * *

 **Time Elapsed: 6 Months**

"I love you, Adrian."

"And I you." He hugged her tightly, not wanting to let go. He couldn't wait until he was allowed to do the real thing, but the way things were looking, he would still have a while to wait. This would have to do for now. He considered himself lucky. At least he could do this.

"Give our son a hug for me."

"I will." She kissed him. "See you next time."

"Till next time," he agreed, his eyes taking in all of her before he left the dream.

When he woke, Rose was putting away the small first-aid kit she had stashed in her room for instances like this. It housed bandages and antibiotic ointment to disinfect her bites. It was more convenient to keep them here so she wouldn't have to leave the room.

While the group knew what was going on now, why she was giving him her blood, the two of them still considered the act to be a private matter which was why no one bothered them when she very pointedly shut the door.

"What did Sydney say?" Rose asked when she returned to his side.

Adrian eyed the bandage she had attached to her wrist. It was the right decision to stop drinking from her neck. This time around, it was much more manageable. The tinges of arousal were still there, but the temptation to act on them was gone thankfully.

"She was able to get in touch with your parents."

Rose gaped. She hadn't expected _that_.

While her parents had been in the back of her mind constantly during this whole thing, she never thought she'd get a definitive update on them because it hadn't seemed like a priority. It sounded harsh, but she couldn't ask that of Adrian. Not when he was already doing a lot for her by contacting Dimitri.

"And?"

"They're both alive and well. A lot has changed apparently."

He filled her in on the changes while she tried to wrap her mind around the fact that her parents were both okay. According to Sydney, Ariana Szelsky was the interim Queen and was eager to keep in contact with them through Sydney in order to stay updated on Lissa's status. This was something Lissa had stated could be a possibility, but there was no way they could know for sure until Adrian reached out. Sydney was a godsend. She was giving them loads of information that they could work with.

Rose's mother, Janine, was now filling in for Hans Croft now that his whereabouts were unknown. Perhaps he had died as suspected. Rose and he had never gotten along very well, and she wasn't religious by any means, but she still muttered a quick prayer for his soul.

The tally of those they suspected dead was rising.

All but a few at St. Basil's were deceased. Dimitri and Christian had been extraordinarily lucky. She bit her lip to stop the tears from falling from her eyes as she pictured her nephew and nieces dead. They were too young.

Not wanting to break down, Rose tuned back into Adrian's words. Her parents knew they were alive, as well as Lissa. The goal at this point was to keep order among their people at St. Henrik's until it was safe to rescue them from their location.

Sydney told them the radiation levels were still high in Pennsylvania and based off of historical data, they would remain so for many months to come.

Rose sighed. She could tell Adrian was tired, but she needed an update on Dimitri. She shot him a look and he nodded, understanding what she wanted. He sank back into the pillow and closed his eyes.

As he worked his magic, Rose left the room, wanting to relay the information to her friend.

In the living room area, she greeted the other dhampirs who were seated around the table playing with cards. Mark was nowhere to be found. He had withdrawn himself from them all after their scuffle. If she had to guess, he'd probably realized that no one was on his side. She passed the table, realizing they were playing go-fish of all games.

How they weren't tired of that, she'd never know. Card games were a welcome distraction for her at the beginning, but months had passed and she was sick of them. It was a miracle she'd even made it this long.

Maybe they were all delirious at this point and found amusement in the randomest of things. Maybe they were all going mad and didn't know it. Rose shook her head, ridding herself of the thought. She was still sane. They would get out of the bunker eventually. Everyone had to keep their heads, her included. No paranoia allowed.

When she got to Lissa's door, it was closed. She knocked before twisting the knob, her brow furrowing when she found it locked. Lissa's door was never locked. What was up with that?

"Lissa?" she called nervously.

She could hear some movement on the other side. She knocked louder this time, even though there was no way her friend hadn't heard the knocks the first time around. It wasn't like it was too noisy in here for her to hear. Perhaps she was sleeping, but why was the door locked?

The door swung open to a flustered Lissa. Her cheeks were pink and her hair tousled.

"Rose, hi." Rose could tell right away that she was hiding something.

"What's going on? Why was the door locked?"

Rose stepped into the room, closing the door behind her for privacy. She examined the room, looking for anything suspicious. Something must've been going on, but what? They weren't bonded anymore, but Rose could read Lissa better than anyone. She wasn't her best friend for nothing after all.

"Nothing." Neither of them was convinced and Lissa knew it.

Rose took another step into the room, her eyes still darting around for any sign of damning evidence. When she neared the bed, Lissa stood in her way. Whatever it was she was trying to hide, Rose was getting close.

Stepping around her frail friend, Rose moved the sheets about and began looking under her friend's pillows.

"Rose!" Lissa cried, grabbing her friend's arm to try and stop her.

Lissa deserved her privacy, but Rose was her guardian still and could tell something was wrong. She would get to the bottom of it, even if her friend didn't want her to.

"Stop!" Lissa persisted when Rose reached under the bed after seeing something white popping out from behind the blanket that hung over the edge of the mattress. "It's not what it looks like," she defended when Rose held up the piece of napkin.

Rose held it in her hands, trying to make sense of what she was looking at. The red spots were blood, that much was obvious, but where had it come from? As she stood there, taking in Lissa's guilty expression, she experienced a very telling feeling of deja vu. Flashbacks of catching Lissa in her bathroom with a blade to her wrist entered her mind.

Rose grabbed her friend by the wrists and turned them both over. Nothing, save for a few lingering scars from when her friend used to cut herself the last time. It was years ago that she had last resorted to something like this, but what other explanation could there be? Rose could see it in her eyes. Lissa was harming herself.

"Lissa-" Rose started, her voice wavering with emotion.

Lissa crumbled to her knees onto the hard ground, pulling Rose down with her. She buried her head into Rose's shoulder and began sobbing.

"I'm sorry," Lissa cried while Rose tried to console her by running a hand back and forth over Lissa's side. It only took a moment for her hand to come back wet. She held it up. A thin layer of red liquid coated her digits.

She eased her best friend out of her arms and lifted her top which was now stained. Underneath Lissa's shirt, at her hip, were lines of cuts running parallel to each other. Just above the new ones were a few older ones that had healed. _When had she done those?_

"I'm sorry," she repeated, shoving her shirt back down, shielding her darkest secrets from Rose's eyes once again.

"Why, Lissa?" was all Rose could get out.

It took a minute for Lissa to compose herself enough to answer.

"I feel like I'm going crazy."

"What do you mean?" Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. She wasn't using her magic down here. Her meds only lasted for so long. Rose was certain she had to have run out of them by now. Distracted by her own troubles, she hadn't thought to check on that. She knew Adrian was off of his, but it hadn't occurred to her to ask about Lissa's.

 _Ugh_. She was off her game.

"I'm depressed. I'm out of my medication and I haven't been able to use any of my magic...well, past this." She guiltily gestured to her cuts.

Rose was confused.

Without another word, Lissa lifted her hand to her wounds and slowly they began to disappear. When it was done, her arm fell limply to the ground and she took a few long breaths. She was wearing herself out.

"Lissa, you have to stop doing this. It's bad for you."

"I can't stop, Rose. I need to use my magic and-" she hesitated, looking down in shame. "Cutting helps. I'm _so_ depressed. I can't stand being down here anymore. I'm going crazy just like we thought I would."

"You're not going crazy."

"I am."

"I was the one who was in danger of going crazy, not you," she reminded, grasping for anything to make Lissa see reason. She was in a bad way, much more unstable than Rose had imagined. She felt at fault. She had been spending too much time worrying over herself and Dimitri that she hadn't noticed her best friend was going through the ringer.

She had seemed fine, especially after learning Christian was alive.

What Rose didn't know was that hearing Christian was alive was what had set her off. Initially, it had sparked life into her. She had returned to her notebook and began writing up plans to save their races from ever having to deal with something like this again.

That was only a few weeks ago, a month at most, but it went downhill fast.

As she wrote more of her ideas into her notebook, she realized she still had months to spend in here. What was the point? She wasn't going to see her husband any time soon. It had been hell so far, even with Rose by her side. How could she make it that long?

Ariana had already taken over her job. She was probably doing a great job. Why did she need to be here anyway? Everything was probably going on just fine without her.

She felt so alone. It wasn't Rose or Adrian's fault. It was no one's fault, well except maybe the men who started all of this. She missed her husband. She missed her brother. She missed her parents. She missed the fresh air. She missed sunlight even if it burned her skin. She'd take a bad sunburn over this any day.

Before all of this, Lissa never really had a moment to slow down to think about all that she had lost. Since becoming Queen, she was always occupied by something, too busy to dwell on her family for too long. But now, in the bunker, all she had was her thoughts. Over and over she replayed the night of their deaths.

She couldn't even use her element, which was something that brought her great joy. It helped her through tough times, being able to use it to help people.

All of this was weighing on her. And now, it was too much to handle, so she resorted to old habits to deal with it.

Cutting released her heavy emotions. Healing them brought her relief.

"But you're not bonded to me anymore." She fell into Rose's arms again, aching for the contact. "I miss it so much. I feel like a part of me is missing."

It was at this point that Rose realized Lissa needed to be watched more. It would probably help her if she and Adrian included her in their plans. They had kept her apart from everything to spare her in case the news was bad, but with nothing to busy herself with, Lissa _was_ going crazy.

Rose wished more than anything that she could take away some of her darkness just this once. She couldn't stand to see Lissa this way. It terrified her.

They sat together on the floor for an immeasurable amount of time. Rose whispered words of comfort into Lissa's hair until Lissa promised her that she wouldn't cut herself anymore. It was doing too much damage on her both physically and mentally. With limited amounts of blood for her to drink, she couldn't do this anymore. It took too much of her strength.

Neither moved from the other's embrace until a knock came to the door.

Adrian popped his head in, his eyes spanning the room until they landed on the two girls. He entered the room, closing the door behind him just like Rose had earlier. It was obvious something serious had happened.

He leaned against the wall beside them and held his arms open, motioning for both of them to come to him and they did.

Rose took the right side and Lissa the left.

No words needed to be spoken. It was just something they all needed. He didn't need to ask what had happened just yet. Rose didn't ask about Dimitri and Lissa didn't acknowledge the blood in her top.

They all needed a breather.

Since they made their progress of making contact with the outside world, the three of them had been moving ahead at full speed with no end in sight. They were setting themselves up for failure. They needed to think of the end game.

 _Pace yourselves_ , Rose thought to herself as she scooted a little closer to Adrian, prompting him to tighten his hold on her.

He seemed okay to her too, but she made a note to ask him how he was really doing later. She was usually on top of these things, but things were tough these days.

She could do better. She had to do better. She _would_ do better.

Finally, when it seemed safe to come up for air, Adrian relaxed his grip on his two friends and they all sat up, still close.

Adrian was the first to speak.

"Dimitri and Christian are making their way to the border."

The girls perked up at the good news. Before they could ask any questions, Adrian fed them more information.

"They don't know what country just yet, but Dimitri said they've left the house they were previously staying at. They stocked up on blood and are slowly making their way city to city until they get a better understanding of their situation."

"Are they walking?" Lissa asked, her thoughts moving to Christian. He would've been exhausted.

Adrian shook his head. "Dimitri said they're getting rides from others who are trying to cross the border themselves."

It was Rose who responded. "They're hitchhiking?"

"That's what he said."

Rose was worried. Though she had been forced to do it before when she was hunting down strigoi Dimitri, it wasn't the optimal choice, nor the safest. Some people were crazy and bad intentioned. Especially in a dangerous situation. People got desperate, as they no longer had anything to lose. "Don't go worrying, little dhampir. They can handle themselves."

"He's right," Lissa agreed after a second of deliberation. She spoke her next words thoughtfully. "We can't drive ourselves mad worrying about them. They're strong. We need to take care of ourselves first."

She got a faraway look on her face. Rose could tell she was talking about herself. She was relieved to hear that Lissa had returned to her sane self. Well, maybe not fully, but she was taking the steps toward a healthier mental state. For that, Rose was glad, but she'd still keep a close eye on her.

"Did he say anything else?"

"No, but I was thinking it would probably help if we told Sydney to get the word out about Dimitri and Christian."

Rose found herself nodding.

"If it got to the Queen-" Lissa flinched, leading Rose to mend her choice of words "-the interim Queen- that Christian and Dimitri were trying to seek refuge in another country, she might be able to pull some strings and get them through."

Adrian agreed. "And if she can't, I know someone else who most _definitely_ could."

Their eyes met and they both said it at the same time.

"Abe."

* * *

 _A/N: I thought it was time to give Lissa some much needed attention. Please let me know what you thought :) Once again, thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. It inspired me so much that I wanted to get this chapter out to you guys faster than usual._ _I hope you enjoyed!_


	10. Chapter 10

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy._

 _A/N: Hey friends! Just wanted to clarify that any time I post the time elapsed at the beginning of a chapter, I'm referring to the time that has passed since the bombs dropped and not the amount of time since the last chapter. Just thought I'd clear that up, because I realized it could cause confusion. Here's the next chapter._

* * *

"What did she say?"

Janine was standing with her arms crossed, her hip cocked to the side expectantly.

Abe hung up the line and set his phone down only to pick it back up a second later. He was furiously typing something onto the screen, lost in thought.

"Abe?"

He finally looked up from his typing. "Sorry, honey, give me just a moment."

Queen Ariana arched a plucked eyebrow at his term of endearment causing Janine to blush uncharacteristically. He hadn't done it purposefully. Honestly, it had slipped out by accident. Whatever Sydney had just relayed over the phone had surprised him. His focus was elsewhere, that much was obvious.

Still. She would admonish him later.

Janine bit her tongue, figuring it would be easier if she just let him finish whatever was so important. A few minutes passed before he spoke again. "Okay, sorry. I was just booking us a couple of plane tickets."

She gaped. "Plane tickets?"

Ariana had the very same look on her face. "Ibrahim, I need the two of you here. I thought that much was obvious when I promoted Guardian Hathaway."

"Yes, but this is important," he told her, brushing off her concern with a wave of his hand. Her brows rose to her forehead. Ariana was willing to bet Abe never spoke to Vasilisa that way.

She stood up straighter, glaring at him. Janine sank into a chair, ready to hear the two of them go at it while she waited patiently for them to finish. All she wanted to know was what was happening with their daughter.

"Excuse me? More important than maintaining peace amongst our people? More important than knowing of Vasilisa's status?"

Abe picked his phone back up again, unconcerned with her argumentative stature. Janine was exasperated. The two had not gotten along well over these past weeks and this would surely drive an even larger wedge between them. She was tired of feeling like she was the child of two divorced parents.

"I'm sure the _elected_ Queen wouldn't be too pleased to learn you are against rescuing her husband."

The words Ariana had planned to say next died on her lips. Her mouth dropped open after it took his words a couple of seconds to sink in. She was shocked, and rightfully so. Even Janine was intrigued. "What?"

He took his time answering, instead swiping through his emails just to spite her. Janine groaned. "Out with it, Abe!" He discarded his phone and leaned forward in his chair, finally feeling forthcoming enough to share.

"Sydney Sage has just informed me that Christian Ozera and Dimitri Belikov are alive."

Janine straightened up, her interest piqued. Her son-in-law and the prince consort were alive. They'd been originally presumed dead as they were at St. Basil's at the time of detonation. Was this information untrue? Had they really been at the Russian academy, they would've been dead right now.

"How?" she asked.

He turned to her. In the meantime, Ariana had become a statue. She seemed to have lost her ability to speak. "According to Adrian, he was able to reach Dimitri." He tapped his head for further explanation. "He and Christian were driving out of town for the weekend. They were able to avoid the blast, or at least were far away enough to survive it."

"And the plane tickets?"

"They are attempting to cross the border to seek refuge. As we have learned from the news, Russia's government is a mess right now. They aren't getting anything done."

Abe shook his head, remembering the many friends he kept that lived in Russia. He knew they couldn't be too pleased with how things were playing out. The country's leadership was struggling to reconcile their army, their land, their people. The ones who had survived were pissed that it had come to this. And for what? The two warring countries were at an impasse. Both sides had come to an agreement to stop using nuclear weapons to protect their own, so what was the purpose of it all? Nothing seemed to have changed because of it on a global scale, save for the stock market crashing, but on a local scale, people were devastated. Towns were devastated. Land was leveled. Families were torn apart. Lives were lost.

"Russia's protocol is to close the borders. No one can get in or out right now." He paused. "So they need our help."

Ariana found her voice. "You just said the borders are closed. What can we possibly do about that?"

He scoffed. "Do you not know who I am?"

She soured, frustrated that a non-royal Moroi had a leg up on her, the current Queen. Ariana was by no means a haughty, stuck up person. She didn't consider dhampirs to be inferior, nor did she think herself better because she was Royal, but Abe just had a way of getting under her skin, turning her into the worst version of herself.

Janine ignored the glares they were shooting each other. "What's the plan?"

Abe's face softened when he looked back to her, his lips curling into the purest of smiles. On him, it looked unnatural, almost menacing even. _At least he was trying_. "We'll meet a contact I have near the Russian border. He'll get us to where we need to be. We should have no problem."

"You're absolutely certain?" The last thing anyone needed was for any of them to be arrested by the Russian authorities. With as out of sorts as their government was at the moment, she doubted they'd be freed anytime soon should they be apprehended.

He nodded, almost offended that she'd doubt him.

"We leave tomorrow. Mr. Hathaway and Mr. Dragomir should be safe in our custody soon." He grinned as he used the secret nicknames he and Janine called Dimitri and Christian in private as a joke between them.

Janine couldn't help but smile in return.

"I — I guess that would be alright." The two turned their eyes back to Ariana who was just beginning to catch up. "Maybe it will be good for us to spend some time apart," Ariana looked at Abe as she said this. She turned to Janine next. "Your position will be waiting for you when you return."

The three were gathered in a classroom that had since been transformed into a meeting room. This was where Ariana conducted most of her business meetings. Her "office" was just two doors down.

She gathered her belongings to retire to her room. She was tired after keeping company with Ibrahim. She made her way to the door, nodding to Janine as she passed. As she reached for the knob, she turned around to say one last thing. "Make sure to bring them back with you. We need every win we can get."

With that, she left the room and made her way to the living quarters, four Royal guardians in tow. They were new additions seeing as most of the others were at Court on that fateful day.

For once, she put her faith in Abe Mazur and prayed that he was telling the truth when he said he could deliver the two important men safely to St. Henrik's. She wasn't lying when she said they needed every win they could get. Perhaps if she was able to parade Christian Ozera to the masses, they would settle down some.

Her people were growing restless. Updates on Vasilisa were only going so far. They wanted to go home, but America was closed for business right now, just like Russia was. It wasn't safe but they were too stubborn to see reason.

Cabin fever. She was having it too. She missed her home. She missed not having people stare at her like she was the antichrist, and most of all, she missed not being Queen.

A few hundred miles away, Dimitri's eyes opened instantly.

He sat up in the motel room he and Christian were sharing, taking a moment to remember where he was.

When he recognized his surroundings, he slipped out of bed and quietly padded over to the window. He pulled the curtain aside to peek out into the parking lot.

He felt on edge but couldn't say why.

He thought back to the dream he had just woken from.

Adrian had informed him that Rose's parents would be meeting the two of them at the border to help them across and that he was to stay where he was to await further instruction.

Dimitri Belikov was not one to wait.

He was more comfortable in action. Would much rather get things done on his own than to sit back for instruction, but things were different this time around. There was no way they'd be able to get around the armored men patrolling the line separating Finland and his home country, even with his guardian knowledge. He was weak right now, considering all that he'd endured. He doubted he could hardly take on the border patrol, even as humans.

He was a smart man. He knew how to play his cards right, and he knew that he would have to listen to Adrian in this instance. No matter how much it bugged him to admit.

Two human nights had passed since they checked into the motel.

They had made it all the way from Tver Oblast to this tiny border town in a decent amount of time considering they didn't have a car. He would never look at hitchhiking the same. It was a necessary evil to get from one place to the next. He couldn't find it in himself to hot wire anyone else's car, even if they were desperate. Everyone had gone through enough to last a lifetime. He didn't want to add onto anyone's stress just for their sakes. Christian had agreed, much as it pained him.

Hitchhiking had taken a toll on the young Moroi. His aversion to sunlight was proving to be a real pain in the ass. Hitchhiking required making themselves known during the busiest hours of the human day and that was when the sun was high in the sky. Additionally, it was easier for them to avoid anyone with ill intentions if they travelled in the day as well.

The idea of renting a car had entered their minds, but it would have costed too much when they were living off of such a small amount of funds. As it was, they had to stay at a run down cockroach-infested dump. Money was tight.

After the car wreck, they'd discarded their belongings, leaving most of everything behind. All they carried with them were the necessities. Their wallets, their phones — which were pretty much useless at this point as they'd died before a signal was made available again — and Dimitri's stake. The cash the two had withdrawn before driving out of St. Basil's was all that they had. Their credit cards were no help as the banks were struggling at the moment.

No one and nothing was on their side it seemed — at least until Adrian told them Abe and Janine were on their way to help.

Dimitri let the curtain fall back into place as he stepped back into the darkness of the room. His uneasiness was something he usually attributed to nearby Strigoi.

Not unlike Rose's old ability to sense their pretense, he could almost feel them as well — but differently. It was an uncontrollable reaction, the hair on the back of his neck would stand up, he'd get chills. He was feeling that way a lot recently but perhaps he was always tense now. These days, he had learned to disregard most of his paranoia. It was something that developed from his traumatic experience. He found it funny that after living through so many horrors, he was still privy to PTSD like most everyone else.

He double checked the styrofoam cooler they had picked up in St. Petersburg — the last city on their trip to have a Moroi blood bank. They had filled it with blood to last the rest of their journey and were now down to their last two packs.

Adrian said they'd be waiting a week tops and it had already been two days. For the remaining five , Christian should be okay with the supply they had, but probably wouldn't make it many days past that should something go wrong.

Dimitri tried not to think that way but it was hard not to. It wasn't that he doubted Abe Mazur and Janine Hathaway, it was just that he'd seen how cruel the world could be.

After shutting the cooler, he reminded himself to drop by the ice machine in the morning to refill it. It was important to keep the blood frozen at a certain temperature or else the spoiling process would speed up.

With nothing else to do, he sat down in one of the chairs by the window and willed himself to feel tired again. It didn't work. Perhaps his guardian promise was too deeply ingrained and his body couldn't fall back asleep with his charge resting vulnerably a bed down.

If the night passed and he was unable to sleep again, he knew he could do it in the morning when the sun was out. Christian would be safe enough then.

In the quiet darkness, his thoughts drifted to Rose.

What was she doing right now?

With the time difference, it was very probable that she was awake. Perhaps she was eating dinner, or a powdered version of it.

He pictured Rose, a food lover, forced to eat the imperishable meals stocked in the Court's bunker. He smiled. She probably hated it and was dreaming of the day she could eat her favorite foods again.

Chocolate donuts. Pizza. Black bread.

The more he thought of her, the more he ached for her. He couldn't wait to hold her in his arms again.

Once they crossed the border into safety, he would be one step closer to her.

After that, he would just have to wait for America's border to open again. Then it was home free.

They'd return to each other and fight this together. At her side, he felt invincible.

Hell, maybe he could even find some chocolate donuts for her in Finland so he could fill her stomach first thing.

He spent the next hours thinking of her, his mind slowly relaxing. His body followed suit and he finally drifted off to sleep just as the sun began to rise.

 _Goodnight, Roza. I'll see you soon._

* * *

 _A/N: Yay! Our two favorite husbands should be safe soon. Anyone want to guess what happens in the next chapter?_


	11. Chapter 11

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy_

 _A/N: As always, enjoy!_

* * *

"It's happening today, isn't it?"

Lissa entered the room, closing the door behind her.

Rose nodded without looking at her, too busy biting her fingernails. They were almost raw at this point. It wasn't a habit of hers before, but she had taken it up recently.

"Could be happening right this very minute," she said robotically.

Adrian was pacing, muttering gibberish to himself as he fisted his tousled hair. Lissa was honestly surprised to see that she was the calmest of the bunch. Maybe because she had stopped using her magic and, as a result, stopped hurting herself.

Since she'd been caught, Rose and Adrian were spending more time with her. She tried to tell herself that they were doing it to keep her happy mentally, and not just because they were surveillancing her. Probably, it was a bit of both. The latter would've bothered her but only slightly. She knew they just cared. They cared for her as much as she cared for them. Perhaps it was time to repay the favor.

She sat down on Rose's bed and placed a hand on her best friend's arm, slowly pulling it away from her mouth. With her coping mechanism gone, Rose came back to herself and shot Lissa a kind smile.

Rose was easy. A simple hug or similar gesture from Lissa was always enough to ease her. No compulsion necessary, which was good, because Lissa couldn't do that anymore.

"Thanks," Rose muttered before their eyes both settled on Adrian. He would be much harder, factoring in his creeping spirit madness and lack of medication for his bipolar disorder.

He was keeping himself in control magnificently well. The two had to admit that, but they could also see the tendrils of darkness reaching out for him, the signs of spirit overuse starting to appear increasingly faster as the days passed, as he was dreamwalking more and more often.

Without alcohol or cigarettes to keep him occupied, he'd taken to exercising. In fact, he was sporting a physique more toned than usual.

Rose and Lissa shared a look before Rose stood to help him the way Lissa had helped her.

"Hey, Adrian, stop pacing. Come sit down."

He wouldn't listen. He brushed her off and continued mumbling to himself.

Rose was only able to catch pieces of it.

"...there's no point…"

"...never getting out of here…"

"...can't protect them…"

"Hey, whoa, Adrian, you need to slow down. Take a minute." When he still wouldn't listen, she grabbed his shoulders and shook him. He stopped trying to move but was still sporting a faraway look. " _Hello_?"

He finally acknowledged her, his eyes tired. "What did you say, little dhampir?"

Rose relaxed when he used her nickname. He was in there somewhere. "Are you okay?"

"Come sit," Lissa patted the bed beside her.

Adrian reluctantly sat down. "I think I'm starting to lose it."

"Cousin, you are going to be fine. Today's just a big day...for all of us. It's normal to be stressed," Lissa took his hand, willing him to believe what she was saying.

Eventually, he sighed. "I need some fresh air...and a few cigarettes couldn't hurt."

Rose chuckled. "You just need a breather. You've been using your magic a _lot_ lately."

His eyes darted down to her wrist where she was heavily bandaged. Just along the edges of the fabric, he could see the darkly bruised skin. He was beginning to wonder when she would complain about that, if ever.

She tugged the sleeve down. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel guilty about it. Not now when everything was finally coming together. But...maybe this was starting to be too much for him.

"Maybe you're right." He admitted, halting Rose's train of thought. "Maybe I should do some more exercises. Keep both my mind and my body occupied while we wait." He paused, looking at them encouragingly but it failed to sit right with Rose. "Do you want to join me?" He asked her.

Rose nodded. "Yeah, I'll be there in a sec."

"Okay." He opened the door and disappeared into the living space.

Rose turned to Lissa. "Do you think we're being selfish?"

Lissa took a minute to think, choosing her words carefully. "I think Adrian wants Christian and Dimitri to be safe and I think he cares about us being happy. They're his friends too."

"I know, but I did push him a little in the beginning," Rose admitted guiltily. "And now, it's starting to get to him. I don't want to hurt him."

"I think he would tell us if it was too much." Rose nodded, thinking perhaps he just _had_ told them in his own way. He hadn't said anything, but his actions spoke words. She saw how lost to his thoughts that he was and how he grimaced at her bite marks even though they were hidden.

"That's the thing, I'm scared he won't. I don't want him to feel like he _has_ to do this. Even if we really want him to."

"I don't think we're making him do anything. Besides, he's getting something out of it too, Rose," she pointed out.

"Yeah, he gets to see Sydney."

"Not just that." Lissa looked at her pointedly.

Rose frowned. "I'm not following."

"He gets to drink from you," she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Rose gave her a funny look, concerned what she was implying.

At the sight of Rose's face, Lissa elaborated, "Fresh blood is worth more than money down here. Would it be weird if I said I'm jealous?"

Rose laughed, relaxing considerably. "No, I guess not." Rose nudged Lissa's shoulder. "Shoulda been a dreamwalker."

Lissa laughed, throwing herself back into the bed. She groaned and then stretched. "Can I nap here? I didn't sleep much last night and since we have to wait until they fall asleep again, I might as well get some shut eye too."

"Yeah, sure. Just don't drool on my pillow," she joked as she left the room to do some sets with Adrian.

When she joined him, he was doing push ups. She knelt down beside him and then sat back to begin stretching.

"You would tell me if you didn't want to do this anymore right?"

He was breathing heavily, huffing as he answered, "I'm pretty sure you're not forcing me to do push ups." He continued counting.

"No, I mean dreamwalking. I can tell it's affecting you more than you're letting on." Rose got straight to the point, never one to beat around the bush.

He groaned, ignoring her.

" _Adrian_ ," she started again.

"Rose," he paused, "can we talk about this later?" He gestured to his body as if to say, _I'm a little busy right now._

Rose folded her arms but accepted defeat, at least for now. They would talk when they were done.

"Your form is wrong, by the way," she told him and then pressed a weighted hand onto his lower back to straighten his posture.

He yelped and then fell onto the ground with a thud. "You dhampirs suck."

She laughed. "You're just jealous."

He turned around on his back so he was facing her, a cheeky grin on his face. "I kind of am." His eyes were sparkling with mischief. "I can only imagine the stamina…" he trailed off, "...the positions…"

She slapped his arm. "In your dreams."

"Interesting choice of words." He shot back.

Rose rolled her eyes. "You kiss your wife with that mouth?"

He grinned. "Among other things."

Rose couldn't help but laugh. "Just so you know, it's _amazing_." She let herself think of Dimitri for just one second before she got too carried away. She chose not to think of _that_ while down here because it would only lead to feeling even more frustrated than she already was. "It's a shame Sydney will never get to experience it."

He held a hand to his chest like she shot him. "Ouch, little dhampir, you wound me."

She swatted his hand away. "Having actually been shot in the chest, I'm having a hard time feeling sorry for you." She meant it jokingly, but it fell short.

Adrian faltered. "I'm sorry, Rose, I didn't mean—"

She waved him off. "I know."

He grew silent and then, "It seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?"

She pursed her lips at his statement. "It does," she agreed. "I used to think nothing could ever come close to comparing to everything that had happened back then. Victor taking Lissa, losing Mason, the attack on St. Vladimir's, losing Dimitri, thinking I killed him, restoring him, being falsely accused of murder, Tasha shooting me. Sometimes I forget that it all happened over a span of just two years." She shook her head like she was having a hard time believing it even now. "But then _this_ happened."

"Leave it to the humans to outdo us," he said bluntly. She nodded as her thoughts drifted to another part of her past.

"Listen," she began, her voice uncharacteristically nervous, "about all that happened between us back then. I never really apologized for it. Not really."

He tried interrupting her but she shushed him.

"No, please, listen. I know it's all resolved now, but, for what it's worth, while I don't regret reconciling with Dimitri, I regret how I treated you. That conversation we had —" he knew the one "— it wasn't my finest moment. I had just cheated on you and you were hurt and I threw it in your face like I somehow knew more than you."

Adrian didn't let another moment pass before he responded, quick to calm her worries. "I'll admit, it did hurt, but I mean, you were right...in the end. The person you described. It's Sydney, all the way." He took her hand. "Besides, like you said, it's all resolved now. It's in the past so let's leave it there."

"Yeah."

She could tell he meant it. Years had passed since those days and while she knew he no longer harbored any hard feelings, she still felt guilty from time to time.

"As for the other thing you mentioned…I'm fine for now. You're right, it's not easy, but I'm dealing. We need to do this, and I'm the only way, so it's my turn to be the hero. I know you're used to taking all the glory, but let me have my moment, okay?" His voice was tinged with amusement but she could tell he was also serious.

She nodded, accepting what he was telling her.

He shot her an encouraging smile. "Rose?"

"Hmm?"

"Let's get back to our sets."

He flipped back around to continue his reps. This time, his form was impeccable.

She moved to the corner of the room and began to do lunges, her eyes never straying from him for long.

He was convincing, she'd give him that, but was he being truthful? Regardless, she doubted she'd ever truly stop worrying anyway.

It was just in her nature.

On the other side of the world, Dimitri and Christian were walking alongside the highway near where they were supposed to meet Abe's connect.

Adrian said his name was Alexei and that he was a human, oddly enough.

Dimitri was told to keep an eye out for a white van with a green logo on the side for a chemical company. They were supposed to meet during the human day but a time was never specified so Christian and Dimitri were forced to loiter in the area looking suspicious for hours.

Christian was currently taking refuge under the shade of a tree. He was looking a little pale. Well, paler than usual.

Dimitri eyed their surroundings — an empty stretch of road — before reaching into the cooler and handing him the last of the blood. It was not nearly enough to rejuvenate him fully but it would help.

Dimitri cursed in Russian when another hour passed. They were sitting ducks. The sun was still high in the sky but was falling closer to the horizon with each passing hour.

It would not be smart to be out there at night. If Dimitri's memory served him right, this area of the country was not heavily populated with Strigoi because it was outside of the major cities, but one could never be too careful, and some Strigoi preferred to inhabit areas where competition was scarce for obvious reasons.

Just thinking of the risk brought that tense feeling back to Dimitri's body.

"Where is he?" Christian grumbled, scratching his arm. His skin was healing slowly but if he kept scratching it would take longer. Dimitri kept reminding him of this.

" _Come on_ ," the guardian mumbled, checking his watch for the umpteenth time. Dimitri was usually a very patient person but even he had his limits.

Finally, another hour later, the van they were looking out for approached, pulling up beside them before halting completely.

The sliding door opened slowly, revealing a middle-aged blonde-haired man with a crooked smile.

"Mr. Hathaway? Mr. Dragomir?"

The two vampires eyed each other confusedly before nodding. Was there a purpose for the code names? What was Abe up to?

"I'm Alexei. Get in." Like Dimitri, Alexei was Russian, but his accent was much thicker because he'd lived there his whole life and never left the country.

Dimitri and Christian did as they were told and then the van pulled away and continued along the freeway.

"Sorry I'm late. Not everything went as planned, but it's settled now. We should be in Finland in a little over an hour."

Dimitri gritted his teeth in annoyance. The sun would begin setting in two hours or so. He doubted their drive would be over the minute they were in Finland so that meant traveling in the dark.

More risk. Not good for a guardian protecting a very important Royal Moroi.

Not good at all.

* * *

 _A/N: When the world's gone to shit, it's easy to forget that Strigoi are still very much a big threat. As always, let me know what you think and hit that review button. Welcome to new readers and followers. I hope you like the story so far :)_


	12. Chapter 12

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy_

 _A/N: Hey, guys! Sorry for the long wait. It's been a busy last couple of weeks. I made this one a big longer than usual to make up for it._

* * *

"How long are we to sit here?"

Dimitri was on edge even more so than usual. They'd been sitting in the van parked for more than half an hour. Just waiting.

The sun was all but gone by this point.

Alexei had informed the two vampires that they were in Finland already. They'd crossed the border with ease, which was something that Dimitri found surprising.

He had assumed the border would be heavily patrolled by armed human guards. But, perhaps Alexei was just good at his job and had made sure the road they were on was conveniently empty for them. Bribing government officials wasn't a foreign concept to Dimitri, but he'd never benefited from something like it firsthand.

Alexei drummed his fingers on the steering wheel continuously, humming along to a popular Russian song that was playing through the car speakers a little too loudly.

If the music was driving Dimitri crazy, Christian had to have been losing his mind. Russian music wasn't the most relaxing, at least not the genre Alexei was listening to. Was this the radio or his own personal mix? Judging by the intensity of Alexei's tapping, it had to have been from his own playlist.

It wouldn't be in Dimitri's best interest to shut the thing off or get into it with Alexei no matter how much he wanted to. He could recognize when it was smarter for him to pick his battles. This was one of those times.

It was the ultimate test of his patience, but he would deal with it. He was on the cusp of something great. They were already out of the country. They'd done it. They were hundreds of miles away from where they'd experienced the horrific event.

He was closer to seeing his wife.

He was closer to normalcy.

But at the same time, he was not home free. Neither he nor Christian were in the clear just yet.

First, Christian and Dimitri needed to see a doctor to make sure they were properly taken care of, and perhaps more pressingly, Strigoi still existed.

Granted, the three were in the middle of nowhere, but that didn't mean a thing.

Dimitri's own time as the undead told him not to underestimate or assume when it came to the behavior of Strigoi.

Growing up, Strigoi behavior was almost textbook. The undead creatures worked alone and were ferociously territorial. It wasn't until somewhat recently that they began acting differently, _evolving_.

Of course it had coincided with the introduction of Rosemarie Hathaway into his life.

At a time in his life when he found himself falling astonishingly hard for another dhampir, Strigoi had decided to change things up. And his Roza just _had_ to be a wild thing — risky, fearless. Always putting her neck on the line, unafraid of stepping into danger. As she was training to become a guardian, Strigoi became smarter, more crafty. They began working in groups, even going as far as involving humans in their affairs.

So while everything he had been taught would lead him to believe there'd be no Strigoi this far away from a town, he knew better. There could be one lurking beyond the tree line now and he'd have no idea until it made itself known.

The dirt road they'd turned onto had opened up into a dirt lot. Seemed an appropriate place as any to conduct illegal business dealings.

Dimitri watched the edge of the bushes like a hawk, squinting at times as if it would really help him see better in the dark than his dhampir eyes already could.

Just as Dimitri thought he saw movement beyond the shadows, two bright headlights shone into their car and his attention was directed elsewhere.

As Alexei got out of the car, Dimitri's eyes returned back to where he could've sworn he saw something. He waited another moment, his arm reaching across to grab Christian's sleeve before he could follow Alexei's lead.

"What?" Christian asked annoyingly. The music was still playing. Alexei had left the car running and Christian was very eager to leave the van.

Dimitri didn't move a muscle, not even to answer him. Another beat passed and then he released him. Dimitri nodded briskly, giving him the go ahead, and then opened his own door, stepping into the quiet, breezy night.

The second car had already parked and the rear door opened up revealing a male guardian Dimitri did not recognize. The guardian stepped out of the car and stood beside the driver's side protectively, and then another body followed his lead exiting the car.

Janine Hathaway.

Dimitri couldn't help himself. In a show of pure unprofessionalism, he stepped forward and pulled Janine into his arms for a hug.

She was a piece of his wife and he was glad to see a familiar face.

She stiffened instantly, her whole body tensing, only relaxing when Abe's booming voice came from inside the car.

"See, Janine? I told you the boy liked you."

She stepped out of her son-in-law's arms and then rested a hand on his shoulder before groaning in response to Abe. It was unlike Janine to be this way around Dimitri or Christian, but no one was acting normal these days as proven by Dimitri's embrace. In fact, the exasperated sound that came from Janine's lips reminded him a lot of Rose. So much so that a knot started building in the pit of his stomach.

"Behave," she warned before nodding respectfully to Christian. While the two were comfortable around each other and had seen each other many times over the years in passing, they were not on the same terms as Dimitri and Janine.

"You're free to go, Alexei," Abe called from his seat.

Wordlessly, Alexei stepped back into his car and drove off as everyone got into Ibrahim and Janine's car. It was a tight squeeze but it would make do, and at least they no longer had to endure the loud obnoxious music.

Abe reached over Janine and squeezed Dimitri's shoulder in a comforting way.

"It's good to see you alive, son," he stated simply before knocking on the car window, signaling for the driver to start moving. "The same to you," he said, this time looking at Christian.

"It's good to be alive," he returned bluntly before resting his head on the seat.

"Long journey, I presume?" Janine asked the two of them.

Dimitri nodded.

"Feel free to get some rest. We're about half an hour away from the airstrip."

Christian didn't need to be told twice. He sunk further into his chair and was soon leaning against Dimitri's shoulder fast asleep. Abe chuckled at the sight but also admired how friendly the two were.

It wasn't lost on him that the two were good friends. He had to imagine they'd grown much closer after escaping death's grasp and weathering what life had thrown at them over the better part of the last year.

His guardian oath and commitment drilled into him, Dimitri did not allow himself to sleep even though his body was begging for it. The feeling of unease had not left since they'd left the dirty lot. He would stay alert until they reached their destination even though the car was holding three guardians. One could never be too careful.

"Where are we flying to?" Dimitri asked when Janine and Abe stopped speaking to one another in hushed tones about something.

They weren't intentionally leaving him out. They'd probably assumed he'd take their offer on getting some shut eye. Janine knew it would be hard for him to do so, but she could tell he might not have had a choice. He had heavy bags under his eyes and there was a look to him that she'd never seen him sport before. He looked worse for wear.

"Deeper into the country," Janine explained. "St. Henrik's is acting as a makeshift Court. It's where we've been operating out of for the past couple of months. With Queen Vasilisa out of commission, Ariana Szelsky is performing her duties."

The rest of the car ride consisted of Abe and Janine filling Dimitri in on the developments at St. Henrik's. That, and what the human US government was doing to recuperate the affected territory which included the Pennsylvania bunker that held the lives they deemed dear.

With much to discuss, they were at the airstrip before they knew it. So far, nothing had gone amiss, but Dimitri was still watching the treeline. He'd been doing so since he got in the car, his eyes only leaving the window to glance at Abe and Janine respectfully during their conversation

The Moroi driver got out of the car first and it was unfortunate for him, because almost instantly, a Strigoi dashed out of the trees and was on him in seconds, pulling him to the ground before he even had a chance.

Adrenaline rushed through Dimitri's veins as he shook Christian awake and got out of the car to take the Strigoi down before he drained the driver dry. Janine was on his tail, instructing Abe to stay put while they assessed the threat.

Janine was fast, but by the time she got to the other side of the car where the Strigoi had the driver in his grip, Dimitri was already pulling a stake out of his chest. The driver had been bitten, but was otherwise okay. He seemed woozy as he fought to catch his breath, his eyes not leaving the slain Strigoi that had attacked him.

Dimitri turned around to Janine, a grim expression on his face. Her brow furrowed as she took in the peculiar look in his eyes. She opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, but he spoke before she got the chance.

"That was _too_ easy."

Janine realized what he was implying, her stomach churning, before she turned around and opened the car door to usher Christian and Abe out. They needed to get to the aircraft and fast.

The third guardian grabbed the driver in his arms and rushed ahead of the group, the rest of them on his tail.

As they ran to the steps laid out from the plane, Christian and Dimitri shared a look. It was good that Christian had gotten some rest, because should things get dirty, he might need to use his magic.

As expected, out of the corner of his eye, Dimitri caught sight of two Strigoi appearing from the darkness sprinting toward them. Janine shoved Abe so he was on the other side of her as Dimitri did the same to Christian.

The two dhampirs followed protocol, keeping themselves in between their Moroi and the active threat. They ran until it was impossible to escape them.

A quick glance showed that they were over half way to the airplane, but they wouldn't make it that far without fighting.

"Keep going!" Janine yelled, shoving Abe forward.

Knowing it wasn't time to argue with her, he listened and kept moving with the third guardian who was occupied with the incapacitated driver in his arms.

"Go ahead of me," the third guardian instructed, wanting to put another obstacle between the Moroi and Strigoi. If need be, he'd set the man down and do what he needed to keep them safe.

Abe reached the steps and bound up the stairs as another Strigoi came from the other side of the plane. He never reached them though, because he was burnt to a crisp by Christian whose heart was beating out of his chest. The guardian with them had just set the driver down with his stake at the ready when the unsuspected Strigoi fell to the ground in a pile of dust. He nodded his head in thanks to Christian, albeit a little robotically in astonishment.

There was a stark contrast between now and when he and Rose fought together at the academy all those years ago. He hadn't honed his skills then. He was much stronger now.

Years and years of specialized training and experience had made him a badass, not that he'd ever admit it himself. Abe halted in his steps and glanced back at the fire user, impressed. Christian tried not to let that feed his ego too much, but it was still a huge honor to be regarded so highly by _Zmey_ himself.

"You go," Christian urged, keeping his place at the foot of the stairs. He spoke to both Abe and the guardian with the driver. "I'll stay here in case anything."

Abe nodded and then rushed up the rest of the steps to the cockpit where Pavel and the pilot were instructed to wait behind the locked door until they returned. He could only hope they had listened. The driver and guardian followed suit.

Back on the runway, Dimitri and Janine were sweating profusely. While the first Strigoi had been easy to take down, these were quite the opposite. The first had been a distraction, bait. The real threat had only just arrived.

Dimitri and Janine fought back to back like he and Rose had done in many instances before.

Over the years, as guardians to a couple, it was often that Dimitri and Rose fended off Strigoi together as partners. There'd been nights heading back from dinner that they'd been attacked that looked much like tonight.

Though Rose and her mother were not close while Rose was learning to fight, Dimitri realized they fought quite similarly regardless, making it easy for him to fight alongside her.

As the two sized their enemies up, it became prevalent that Janine's strigoi was the older one. But what he gave, she could give right back. She wasn't so highly praised for nothing. The Strigoi had probably gone for her, thinking she'd be easy pickings as a female, but the two rows of molnija on her neck painted a different picture.

Janine held her own, grunting as she blocked each blow and moved out of the way to avoid others as Dimitri began to take his Strigoi down. He landed a hard hit to the creature's upper left shoulder, taking him down to his knee as he bellowed from the blow.

Dimitri saw this as his opportunity to strike and with one swift movement, he plunged his stake forward and into his chest. The Strigoi stilled as the fight left him and then Dimitri turned around to assist Janine.

The two circled the older Strigoi and eyed each other discreetly. Janine nodded and Dimitri kicked his feet out from under him as Janine got on top of the pale body, straddling him at the hips. She positioned her stake, ready to plunge it into his chest when another Strigoi entered the fight. Janine took her eyes off of him for one split second and that was all the Strigoi underneath her needed to regain the upper hand.

He bucked her off of him and she fell onto her butt hard, the force strong enough to make her drop her stake. She scrambled to her feet quickly, not wanting to let him get one over on her while she was stakeless.

Just to the right of her, Dimitri was using what he had left in him to defeat the new Strigoi. In the back of his mind, he wondered how many there were in total. He hoped this was the last of them, because he was running out of steam and Janine would undoubtedly need his help with the one she was still dealing with. Not that she was incompetent, but the monster was ancient.

In his peripheral, Dimitri noticed a fireball engulfing the ancient Strigoi's hands while Janine was picking up her stake again. Dimitri shook his head knowingly, wanting to scold and thank Christian at the same time. As the Strigoi he fought doubled over in pain from a kick he landed, his eyes jotted over to Christian where he stood at the foot of the plane's steps, his hands raised while his face was scrunched in concentration.

He noticed Abe coming back from inside the plane but had to tear his gaze away to refocus on his Strigoi. Dimitri needed to end this.

In a risky move, Dimitri lunged for the Strigoi's legs and tackled him to the floor. It was risky for one reason — it gave the creature a chance to grab his neck, but Dimitri was able to avoid that and they fell to the ground with a thud.

They locked eyes and Dimitri shoved his stake into his heart but not before the Strigoi raked his nails deep into Dimitri's shoulder, tearing through both the fabric of his shirt and his skin. He hissed in pain but kept himself together because it wasn't over just yet.

He took a moment to catch his breath before he was back on his feet and making his way over to Janine. There was more movement over by Christian and Dimitri redcognized Pavel, Abe's main guardian, running to assist them.

Abe, the other guardian from the car, and the driver must've been in the plane by now tending to the injured man. Christian remained stubbornly planted in his spot, ready to help if need be.

So far, no more Strigoi had come from the trees, so they all hoped this was the last one. He'd be a bitch to kill, but with three trained dhampirs, it was possible.

When Dimitri got to Janine's side, he noticed her favoring her right side. Her left was injured. She had blood running down her pant leg staining her shoe.

Other than a few surface burns, the Strigoi was seemingly unharmed. Any serious damage Christian had done was now healed thanks to the undead's unnatural healing speed. Dimitri cursed.

Pavel, the freshest of the three, stepped forward for his turn. As the head guardian to such an infamous man as Abe Mazur, he had to be a highly skilled fighter. And that he was.

Older than Dimitri, but younger than Janine, he had quite a few years of experience under his belt. Where Janine and Dimitri were technical with most of their moves, Pavel was often more...gritty.

He was the man Abe sent to handle certain individuals that were acting out of line. He was unrelenting and used moves that Janine would call "street". They weren't what was taught in academies because they were very risky and oftentimes led to injury.

While Janine caught her breath and put some pressure on her wound, Dimitri entered the fight. With the two of them actively going for him, the Strigoi was finally beginning to wear down.

It wasn't until he stumbled over a jagged piece of sidewalk that Dimitri saw an opening.

"Now!" He yelled to Christian who used the rest of his strength to light the ancient up in flames.

Realizing what the plan was, the ancient grabbed Dimitri by the wrist and had him in a death grip. Quickly, he wrapped his arms around Dimitri and held him in place. If the flames were going to take him down, the Strigoi wanted to take one of them with him.

Only a few seconds passed before Christian's magic ceased. With the chance of burning himself gone, Pavel's stake entered the Strigoi's body from the back. He lurched forward, Dimitri still in his grasp, before he fell to the ground.

Janine rushed forward, her wound forgotten, and tore the Strigoi's arms open.

"Guardian Belikov," she called once. When he didn't answer, Pavel leaned over to pick him up.

He made no noises of pain as the older guardian carried him onto the plane.

Pavel set the charred guardian down onto a long seat and they all crowded around him worriedly, assessing his burns.

One of them closed the door of the plane, locking them all safely inside.

"Guardian Belikov," Janine tried again, seeing his chest rise and fall slowly. He was still alive. Thank God.

Her eyes examined all of him. His upper torso and face seemed okay, save for a long line of claw marks on his shoulder. He had raised his arms to shield himself in the Strigoi's hold. The back of his forearms were raw as a result.

As she looked him over, she replayed all of the gentle moments she'd caught of him with her daughter of the last few years. Moments when they thought they weren't being watched, like at Christmas when everyone was around the tree opening gifts. Rose and Dimitri had slipped away to the kitchen to refill their glasses.

Janine saw them through a sliver of the doorway as Dimitri lifted Rose onto the counter to kiss her gently. She watched as Rose pulled a chain out from underneath her top where it was hidden beneath the fabric. A small gasp came from Janine's lips as she realized what was hanging from it — an engagement ring.

Or when Janine's charge was visiting court and she caught sight of Dimitri and Rose walking back from the gym hand in hand happily, blissfully in their own cloud of heaven.

She had seen many moments like these from them. And now, her daughter was trapped in an enclosed space buried under the ground and Dimitri was before her, his skin raw and red.

He had been through so much already and now with his injuries, he'd face much more.

She couldn't help it. She fell to her knees beside him as tears streamed down her cheeks. It was a mixture of things that did it for her. Mostly, it was the sadness she felt thinking of the trials her daughter and Dimitri had already faced in life. Dimitri was important to Rose, and therefore, important to Janine.

"Dimitri," she tried again, placing a hand on his chest, but then removing it in fear of causing him further pain. It made no difference to him. He was out.

Abe sat down beside her as the plane began to move and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"He's going to make it through this," he mumbled into her hair.

Christian sat by Dimitri's head, his face shielded by his hands as his shoulders began to shake. He was wracked with guilt.

They'd made it to the plane and were headed to safety, but no one was in the mood for celebrating.

* * *

 _A/N: Oh no :( Please don't be mad! Expect next chapter to be very Dimitri-centric. Please review and let me know what you think! I love hearing from you guys :)_


	13. Chapter 13

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy_

 _A/N: Hey all, I hope this isn't a disappointment. I struggled with this chapter a bit, but I think I ended up getting what I wanted out of it. I hope you do as well. Progress will come after this chapter in the form of a time jump. I expect a few more chapters before this fic is wrapped up. Thank you for being patient with me._

 _I started this fic before quarantine and ended up being kind of lost with how to continue as the feeling of restlessness of the characters bled over into my own feelings in real life. Please forgive my long absence. You can thank the other great storytellers on this site for giving me the inspiration to continue. There are a lot of great fics being written right now. :)_

* * *

" _Dimitri."_

 _He could hear something._

 _What was it? Who was it? Where was he and why couldn't he move?_

 _The voice was no louder than a whisper._

" _I'm so sorry."_

 _The caress of fingers brushing against his hand was the first thing he could feel. This moment felt familiar, like he'd been here before, but he couldn't quite place it. He was still in a fog._

 _The darkness was reaching out for him again. It would be so easy to fall back into it, to ignore the desire to wake up._

 _He groaned, his body not quite ready to move yet. He wanted to open his eyes, but he didn't know if he could. He was tired, his body exhausted. How easy it would be…_

 _No, he had to wake up. Someone was worried._

 _He slowly attempted to move, hissing in pain the minute his torso stretched._

" _Comrade?"_

 _Rose._

 _Her voice was music to his ears, but it was filled with worry._

 _He needed to reassure her that he was okay. He needed to wake up._

 _The urge to comfort Rose was the motivation he needed._

 _With great effort, Dimitri opened his eyes and inched forward, groaning again in pain as his muscles ached, a glaring reminder of the fight they'd survived._

 _He felt a small, warm hand on his chest pushing him back down._

" _Don't try to get up."_

" _Rose," he mumbled, coughing when he realized how incredibly dry his throat was. His dilemma realized, a water with a straw was offered to him. He took the straw between his lips and slipped slowly, figuring it was better not to move too fast._

 _He took a minute to look around the room to see if he recognized anything. It didn't take long for him to realize he was back at Court in the hospital._

 _His gaze eventually rested on Rose's comforting face. She looked at him patiently and expectantly._

 _Something was on the tip of her tongue — he could tell — but she was waiting for him to catch his bearings before she was out with it._

 _A beat of silence passed before she knew he was ready to hear it._

" _You really scared me," she muttered, her voice wavering in a way she only allowed when something truly affected her. He cursed internally._

" _I'm sorry, moya zhena." Russian for my wife, something he'd use often as a term of endearment, loving the way it sounded falling from his lips._

 _It made his heart just as full as when he'd catch a glance at her guardian name tag, Rose Belikova, or watched her sign her name on a document in messy cursive._

" _I thought I lost you," she admitted._

 _Rose's fingertips danced over his forehead softly before brushing stray hairs out of his face, concern visible in her eyes. Her palm then rested on his cheek as she leaned down to kiss him, the fear of losing him overcoming her. She needed to kiss him to reaffirm that he was here. He was still alive, he was mostly okay._

 _While other parts of his body were incapable of motion at the moment, he thanked his lucky stars that his lips were not included on that list. Neither he nor Rose complained as their lips brushed past one another._

 _Dimitri moaned satisfactorily and Rose started to pull back, fearing she'd put her weight on him accidentally. A flashback of what happened the night before paralyzed her._

 _He lifted an arm, pain be damned, and wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck to keep her in place._

 _The more time he had to think, the more he realized how close to death he'd actually been — how close to death they had both been._

" _Dimitri—" she tried to protest but it was of no use. He needed to be close to her in this moment._

 _She fisted his hospital gown and gave everything into their kiss before the two of them finally pulled away to catch their breaths._

 _It had been a very close call._

 _The group had been on their way to Court from Lehigh._

 _Normally, Lissa was able to fulfill her college responsibilities from the safety of Court — thank Vlad for online classes — but this was one of those cases where Lissa absolutely had to meet up with her professor and class in person. Finals week._

 _This made for an extremely stressful time of year for Lissa because she had to travel to campus for her end of semester tests — it was required — which was obviously dangerous._

 _It was stressful for Rose as well, though she was better at controlling it. As head of Lissa's guard, she was in charge of delegating where her fellow guardians were to be at all times. It was a huge responsibility for Rose._

 _Last semester hadn't been too bad, but this time around was almost too much because Lissa's tests just so happened to coincide with a busy time in her royal_

 _schedule._

 _A very important bill was being proposed and, as a result, her mornings were filled with meetings that involved passionate citizens pleading for and against the bill. Votes were to be cast in the coming week and while her last final would be done by then, it was still, for lack of a better word, a clusterfuck. At least that's how Rose had described it._

 _Christian, being the good boyfriend that he was, wanted to be supportive so he tagged along, Dimitri in tow. Wanting to be there for her, but not overcrowd, the two men were to accompany Rose and Lissa to the building where her test would take place and would then separate in search of a small meal to tide themselves over while Lissa went over her notes beforehand._

 _When the test was done, a celebratory outing for an early dinner was planned and then it was back to Court where the real fun would happen in the form of alcohol and music._

 _Rose had it all planned out accordingly. She allotted time for Lissa's test to go over in case it took longer than expected. She even gave time for traffic in case of construction which was annoyingly common for the college town._

 _She was prepared. They'd brought more guardians than usual for the trip just to be safe. She'd anticipated mostly everything except of course the one thing that ended up happening._

 _Lissa's favorite restaurant did not take reservations and today happened to be a very busy day for the trendy spot. Rose bit her lip inquisitively as they had walked up to the hostess and she informed her the wait time would be around an hour. She'd overheard that a convention was in town and had selected the restaurant as their dinner spot._

 _An hour wasn't so bad, she had thought at the time. It would still be light outside, though they would cut it close. The drive would take a good chunk of time, but she recognized they couldn't avoid being out in the dark forever. Besides, it was Lissa's special day and they had more than enough backup, so she made the call to stay._

 _She would later realize that was a bad call._

 _She'd later realize the whole day would work against their favor but that was neither here nor there._

 _The kitchen had taken longer than usual to get their food out because they were so busy— which was understandable, but Rose had it under control. She kept her eyes on the horizon through the large windows of the building, only starting to fret when she had to move her chair over to avoid the sun in her eyes. The sun was setting._

 _She remembered meeting Dimitri's gaze as the bill was being paid for. He gave her a reassuring look and nodded curtly. We're prepared._

 _She nodded back and held a brief conversation over her ear piece to the guardians stationed outside the establishment. They were getting ready to leave, be on the lookout._

 _They'd almost made it back to Court when the unexpected happened._

 _Now, if it had been a Strigoi that collided with their car, Rose wouldn't have been all that surprised. It wasn't unheard of._

 _But it wasn't a Strigoi, it was a deer. The animal dashed out of the tree line and straight into the side of the car._

 _And like fate, an unfortunate series of events played out like dominos falling one after another. It was happening all day it seemed like._

 _It was almost as if the universe was paying them back for every time circumstances had been in their favor._

 _Lissa was crying in the middle row, her face buried in Christian's shoulder when Rose came to. Lissa's tears fell as soon as she realized what they'd hit and noticed the blood staining the passenger side mirror._

 _Dimitri was driving the car and Rose was in the passenger seat. It was Rose's side that had taken the impact, which was probably why she had passed out for a small amount of time._

 _She felt a large hand reach for hers and squeeze, followed by a string of Russian coming from beside her. Dimitri was very concerned._

" _Rose—" Dimitri began after Lissa had started to calm down and the car grew quiet. She felt hands from more than one direction brush over her. She had to blink a few times to realize they were trying to rid her body of glass._

 _The window on the passenger's side was completely gone, most of it ending up on Rose's pantsuit. Her arms were stained in blood, all of it the animal's. She forced her food back down her throat and let out a long, controlled breath to calm her stomach._

 _She gave a reassuring look to Dimitri and then turned to glance at the second car that was tailing them. They were unharmed, their voices one by one coming over the radio to check on their state._

 _They would not leave the car until Rose gave the order._

 _She opened her car door and motioned for the guardians in the second car to get out as well._

" _We'll need to switch cars," she announced, ushering the two Moroi into the unharmed car as she spoke in hushed tones to the backup guardians. There were four of them in the second car which meant two would have to stay behind with her._

 _Lissa protested when she realized Rose was not trying to get in._

" _We're not all going to fit. We're only about twenty minutes from Court. They'll get you home and come back for the rest of us," she informed in her professional voice._

 _Lissa began to protest but it was useless. Rose's mind was made up. Lissa's safety was paramount, as was Christian's._

 _Rose began to shove Dimitri in as well but he wouldn't budge._

" _What—" Rose started._

" _I'm staying behind," he said matter-of-factly before gesturing for another man to take his place._

 _Rose protested, a slew of arguments bubbling up. For one, Christian was his charge and he needed to be with him, but before she could get much out, Dimitri was slamming the door shut and ordering the car to drive off._

 _How dare he? He wasn't in charge here. It pissed her off that he went over her head like that and the other guardians had just went along with it. They were under her command!_

" _Dimitri!" She hissed, causing the third guardian to avert his eyes. He stood beside them silently, wishing he was anywhere else. Everyone knew Rose and Dimitri were a couple, a passionate pair at that, neither afraid or shy to express discontent where the other was concerned. "I can't believe you just—"_

" _Rose, not now," he countered, his eyes passing briefly over the third guardian. She was seething and he knew it but her condition was more important to him._

 _They come first._

" _Not always," he had said once upon a time. This was one of those moments._

" _Will you sit down," he pleaded, needing to make sure she was okay. Her side was hit pretty hard and she could have a concussion._

" _Guardian Lewis, please keep in contact with the others." Rose requested as she sat on the trunk of the car to let Dimitri check her. "Or would you like to tell him, Dimitri, seeing as you're the one in charge?"_

" _Rose!" He chastised, frowning as Rose crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. She was angry but he'd rather that than to have left her. If either one of them had asked Christian or Lissa, they would have agreed to him staying with her. It was only Rose's pride that had something to say about it._

 _Rose avoided his eyes as his hands ran over her torso and then up her arms, watching her reaction closely for any discomfort. He sighed when she remained still as a statue out of spite._

 _Guardian Lewis had his back to them, keeping his eye to the trees. He spoke to the others from time to time for updates._

 _Dimitri appreciated the semblance of privacy and took advantage of it by grabbing Rose's face, cupping her cheeks with his palms to encourage her to meet his eyes._

" _Roza, don't be angry with me." He pecked her lips gently before releasing her._

" _They're on their way back," Guardian Lewis announced as Rose stepped down from the car and walked over to where the deer carcass was, wanting to see it out of curiosity._

 _She could hear Dimitri talking with Guardian Lewis but her attention was elsewhere. She reached for her stake just as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. There was nothing but a pool of blood staining the pavement._

" _It's gone," she stated loudly, turning her back to the car, preparing for the inevitable._

 _They were messing with her._

" _What?" Guardian Lewis responded. Out of her periphery, she saw Dimitri take a cautionary step closer to her, but she didn't take her eyes away from the trees._

" _The deer—"_

 _That was all she was able to get out before one was on her._

 _The Strigoi shoved her back and she braced for the pain of being contorted in an awkward position. The car door was open and with the force that he shoved her, her body was almost thrown into the totaled vehicle but was stopped by her back slamming into the roof._

 _She cried out in pain as her head was banged around and remembered that it was very probable that she was sporting a concussion._

 _She cursed as the Strigoi lunged for her again. Anticipating his next move, she regained her stance and ducked just in the nick of time to switch their positions. He dove headfirst into the car and she kicked his back with all of her might to force him inside. His legs were still outside the vehicle and she slammed the car door into them not once but twice before he wailed and pulled his legs inside to avoid a third brutal hit._

 _She backed out into the street and glanced at the two other dhampirs. It was four against three. Rose was dealing with one and Dimitri and Guardian Lewis had three._

 _Before she could deduce who was winning, the Strigoi was back on her and he was pissed. She heard a grunt of pain from the other group — one that she recognized as Dimitri's. She needed to get rid of this one quick so she could help them._

 _Her movements were sloppy though as a result of the concussion. She had no choice but to push through it._

 _She was thankful the Strigoi she was up against was previously Moroi as he was easier to take down._

 _As she withdrew her stake from his chest, she took a quick second to catch her breath and pressed her hand against her forehead where she was rocking a killer headache._

" _Are you okay?" Dimitri yelled to her._

 _She made it point to remember to lay into him about worrying over her when he was supposed to be focused._

" _I'm fine," she called as she joined them just in time to save Guardian Lewis from a sick scratch to the shoulder. The woman Strigoi's nails just nicked him as Rose tripped her and jumped on her back, her arm linking around her neck to cut off her airway._

 _Guardian Lewis raced forward to stake her as Rose immobilized her but another Strigoi engaged him before he was able. The stall in action gave Rose's female Strigoi the perfect opportunity to back her into the car._

 _Rose cursed as the same part of her body as earlier was hit. The Strigoi was desperate to get Rose off of her so she kept forcing herself back into the metal. Rose finally let go and fell to the ground before hurriedly getting back on her feet._

 _Her stake had fallen from her hand, a fatal mistake, and landed near the feet of Guardian Lewis._

 _On trend with everything else that had happened thus far, Guardian Lewis took one step to his right, his foot landing directly on top of the stake, an unexpected mistake. His leg shot forward and he lost his balance. The force of his misstep rolled the silver weapon over to Rose, saving her life, but inadvertently sacrificing his. He fell over in an awkward position and that was all the Strigoi needed._

 _The undead monster grabbed Lewis by the neck and twisted._

 _Rose blinked away the memory of Mason and forced herself back into the moment. Now it was two against three and she was not in her best form._

 _She wondered how much time had passed. The other guardians had to be here soon, right? Where were they?_

" _Down," Dimitri called, signaling he'd staked one._

 _Two against two._

 _They could do this._

 _They had to._

 _The ground moved under Rose's feet. Her head was throbbing. She could hear Dimitri saying something but for some reason, it sounded jumbled._

 _The stake felt slippery in her hands. Despite the cool night breeze, she felt clammy._

 _It felt like minutes had passed but in reality, it had only been a few seconds._

" _Come on," she muttered to herself. This was life or death. Her body couldn't fail her now._

 _She eased herself off the car where she was leaning and watched as her opponent regained her breath._

 _Her vision was growing spotty as she recognized what was about to happen. Her own death would play out before her and she could do nothing to stop it._

 _No._

 _She couldn't go out like this._

 _Again, Dimitri yelled something to her, but she was already throwing herself at the Strigoi. She struggled to stay conscious as she dodged and gave her everything to take the Strigoi down._

 _When she finally was able to thrust her stake into the woman, she collapsed in relief._

 _Shielded by the car, Dimitri was unable to make out what had actually happened. Who had won?_

 _He was winning his fight but his concern had him distracted. His enemy shot a leg out, catching Dimitri by surprise just as Rose got back to her feet._

 _It was like deja vu._

 _Just moments ago, Lewis had been in the same position and she knew what would happen next._

 _A burst of adrenaline and pure desperation shot through her as the Strigoi's hands reached for Dimitri's neck. She stumbled over to the pair and threw her stake along with herself into the creature forcefully._

 _The two of them collapsed onto Dimitri, the force of their combined bodyweight causing the stake in Dimitri's hand to pierce his own body._

 _Dimitri groaned and Rose rolled off of him slowly, thinking his groan was due to the overwhelming weight on top of him._

 _She paled when she saw what really happened._

 _To the left of Dimitri's belly button, a large patch of red was quickly growing bigger. Rose pressed her hands tightly to the wound and desperately held on to her own consciousness._

" _Rose," Dimitri croaked as he dropped his stake coated in his own blood. "Are you okay?"_

 _She laughed nervously out of panic. "I'm fine. Let's worry about you."_

 _He shook his head and placed his hand over hers, a look of content on his face. "I thought you were…"_

" _Shhh," she cried just as headlights lit up the scene. She could hear the other guardians approaching just as Dimitri began to lose consciousness._

 _Before she knew it, hands were reaching for him, carrying him over to the car. She had no idea how she did it, but she stayed awake for the whole ride._

 _When they returned to Court, Lissa healed Rose at once when she saw she was on the verge of collapsing. Dimitri was rushed into surgery without Lissa's magic. No matter how much she begged to help, the doctors wouldn't let her._

 _It was up to them._

 _Since Dimitri's restoration, it was probably the most scared Rose had been for his life._

" _I thought I lost you," Dimitri countered as Rose began to pull away, propping another pillow behind Dimitri's head so he could sit more comfortably. "I couldn't see you and you weren't responding to me."_

 _Rose nodded. "I almost gave up." She admitted guiltily. "I don't know how I stayed conscious." She pondered that thought for a moment before correcting herself. "It was you. I had to get to you."_

 _Understanding passed between the two. They both knew exactly how the other felt._

" _I'm sorry about before," Dimitri recalled the way he'd insisted on staying with her even if it meant undermining her authority._

 _It didn't matter to Rose anymore. If he hadn't been there, she didn't know what would've happened, and vice versa._

 _The attack was a huge news story. It left Dimitri out of commission and Rose on part time duty for some time. Lissa took time off from school as a result, not liking how close of a call it had been._

That event had happened years ago and yet, it was the first thing in Dimitri's mind when he woke up.

"Belikov," a voice greeted.

He would've given anything to hear Roza's voice there to console him in his time of need, but this wasn't like the attack outside Court.

This was much different.

The world was much different.

He could vaguely remember a fight much like the one outside of the car, but this time, a plane was involved somehow. It was like he could see the memory but couldn't quite grasp it.

There were Strigoi, he knew that. But Rose wasn't there. Janine was...and Abe. Christian, too? He could remember fire, a blaze so hot. He remembered being burned.

"Janine, he's waking up."

Dimitri groaned.

"You're talking too loud," Janine responded.

Dimitri's eyes opened slowly to a small crowd of people surrounding him. Without fail, he searched for _her_ even though a voice in his head told him it was impossible.

"Where am I?" he asked when his eyes came up empty-handed.

He could remember bits and pieces of the fight but wasn't sure if it was blurring together with his earlier dance with death. He'd had so many close calls over his lifetime — he pushed away thoughts of being turned, not mentally prepared to deal with that right now.

Christian stepped forward cautiously, guilt visible in his eyes. They all looked at each other worriedly.

"What do you remember?" Abe asked, trying to make out Dimitri's mental state. Amnesia was the last thing they needed.

His fingers reached for his stomach where he had been stitched up back then. It was fully healed.

His memory was still cloudy.

 _Rose isn't here._

He knew she couldn't be there because something big had happened. Something much bigger than a Strigoi fight, which was saying something.

"Where are we?" he repeated, needing to know the answer.

"We're in Finland at St. Henrik's infirmary."

And like that, it all came rushing back.

Perhaps it would've been easier to not remember. Perhaps in an alternate universe, Dimitri was none the wiser and he could go about his life aloof.

Paul, Zoya, and Katya were safe. Rose was closeby and Lissa was ruling safely. His skin was not raw from the burns and he was not in Finland.

No, he was home with the love of his life, enjoying another lazy Sunday — the day they both had off together.

But that was not the truth and he remembered it all.

He sat up, eyeing the bandages on his body. He could smell the salve that coated his burns.

"Have we heard from them?"

Abe nodded. "Yes."

"Does she know?"

"Rose knows that we made it, yes."

"What about me?" He gestured to his injuries. Christian sighed and left the room.

"No, we didn't tell her."

Dimitri nodded. He could at least find some comfort in that, though it was a stark reminder that he would be a very different man when he saw Rose again.

"Good."

* * *

 _A/N:_ _I wanted the focus to be on Dimitri this chapter, but it ended up being a huge affair. I hope to get my Dimitri time in more the next chapter. I want to touch on his mental state a bit. Hope to hear from you guys! Thanks for reading._


	14. Chapter 14

_Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy_

 _A/N: Thanks for the feedback on the last chapter. I'm glad you all liked it! Here's the dive into Dimitri like I promised._

 **Time Elapsed: 1 Year**

"For the last time, stop looking at me like that."

Christian jumped, not expecting the growl in Dimitri's voice.

"I'm sorry—"

"And for the last time, stop saying you're sorry."

Christian sighed and got up from his chair, slamming his book shut. He'd taken up reading to try and busy his mind.

Dimitri seemed to get a lot out of Westerns, so Christian thought he'd give them a chance. Turns out, they were pretty entertaining.

Finding comfort in being near Dimitri (their time in Russia together has cemented a dependency for Christian that wasn't there before), Christian often spent his days at his guardian's side though there were other things he could be doing now that they were at St. Henrik's.

A small part of him also wanted to be near Dimitri so as to keep an eye on the dhampir's mental state. He was worried.

And it annoyed the hell out of Dimitri.

He didn't need a babysitter. He didn't need Christian's pity or his guilt.

Dimitri had repeatedly insisted that he held no ill feelings toward Christian for burning him. It had been an accident. He knew that.

He was angry at the hand life had dealt him but he wasn't angry at Christian. He was more angry at the world, at circumstance, but he still had his life. There were bigger things to stress over than his appearance.

He had said this multiple times but Christian didn't seem to get it. Dimitri was at his breaking point to be frank. The situation damn near mirrored the way Rose had pushed him after being restored.

He was trying to cope, trying to come to terms with things but Christian was holding him back from it by trying to push him into going back to the way he was.

It was unfeasible to expect him to be fixed anytime soon. The things Dimitri had seen in his lifetime, most wouldn't recover from it. That was Christian's worry, but Dimitri knew he'd rebound from it in due time.

He had made it through his father. He had watched as Randall beat his mother, his sister, himself, and come out on the other side stronger for it. He had stood up for them and was a better man for it.

He had made it through losing Ivan. The guilt that he carried after that was almost unbearable. He walked through a cloud of misery for a long time until Rose walked into his life.

He had made it through turning into the very thing he was trying to conquer — a Strigoi. He'd been held prisoner in his own body, watched his own hand murder, hurt, torture. He had put Rose through the ringer as a Strigoi and as a result of being Strigoi.

In the end, it brought the two of them closer. He was able to make it through — albeit with bumps along the way. He was able to salvage his relationship with her and atone for his sins.

Therapy had helped him through the murders. Therapy, and Rose.

He had made it through the past year and the horror it held — the bomb, the guilt of leaving his young family for death, being away from Rose.

Just add on his new appearance to the list.

He was a strong man, but he could only take so much. Everyone had their breaking point. Dimitri had reached his numerous times over his life thus far but would carry on just like the last time and the time before that.

Christian didn't know the half of what Dimitri had been through. Maybe he'd heard about one or two things from Rose or Lissa, but he didn't know the gritty details. They weren't topics Dimitri discussed freely.

He found it hard to open up to people. Rose had sneaked her way in for which he was grateful, but that had been against his will at first. Then eventually, he wanted her to see all of him and he let her in.

Since then, no one else had been given the pleasure to know all of him, including the side that had conquered the darkest of trials.

Dimitri was self-sufficient in most aspects, but even he had to accept help from time to time which was why he didn't say anything when Christian made it his job to read with Dimitri every day. He figured it was the least he could do to satisfy Christian's need to keep an eye on him, but he was growing frustrated at the Moroi's clinginess.

It was one thing to be supportive but Dimitri did not need to be coddled.

He groaned.

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad," Dimitri was choosing his words carefully, fearful that what he said in anger would cause Christian to feel even guiltier than he already did. "But when I said I don't blame you for anything, I meant it. I'm not acting like myself, but who is?"

Christian had to admit he had a point.

"Be there for me as a friend, as my charge. Not as my caretaker. I've already got one of those."

Not wanting to apologize again, Christian only nodded and then sat back down, this time to actually focus on the page without glancing up at Dimitri every few minutes.

Dimitri's shoulders sank in relief.

The two read some more until it was time for dinner. Another academy meal. Dimitri should've been thankful that he was able to eat an actual meal instead of the bits he'd been forced to survive on prior to reaching Finland, but he was growing tired of the bland flavors.

Not feeling particularly sociable, he fixed a plate and excused himself, retiring to his private room for some alone time.

After finishing up about half of his serving, he decided it was time he showered. Maybe the steam would release some of the tension in his shoulders.

When he was finished, he stopped in front of the bathroom mirror, only a towel hanging off his hips. His eyes darted from one scar to the next.

As much as he told himself they didn't matter, he couldn't deny that deep down, it bothered him a little bit. He was far from vain, but he knew a good part of what first attracted Rose to him was his looks.

What would she think when she saw him?

She still had no clue of his appearance. Scarring covered half of his body now. A good portion of his face was unmangled but part of his cheek, ear, and neck were now visibly scared.

The rational part of his brain told him he was being silly. Rose loved him for who he was as a person. She had loved him to the end of the earth, brought him back from the undead.

She'd loved him at his absolutely ugliest, as a Strigoi. She would love him through this, despite this, _because_ of this.

He knew if she were here, his skin wouldn't be an issue. She'd talk him through his concerns immediately, and she'd do it without effort, because that's just how perfect she was for him.

Always, she said the perfect thing to comfort him and in the simplest of ways. So eloquent and beautiful.

He put himself in her shoes. Had she suffered the same injuries, he'd love her just the same.

He fiddled with the ring on his finger, slipping it off to read the inscription Rose had engraved into it.

 _Forever yours, R._

As he dressed, he recalled the last news he'd heard from her. Nothing had really changed of course. She was still in the bunker, passing the time with exercise and conversation.

She had to have been bored out of her mind.

The things he would give to be bored alongside her...

When they were reunited, he had so much he wanted to say to her, so much he wanted to _do_ to her.

Before his thoughts could spiral off in _that_ direction, he paused and tried to remember their last conversation in person. It was something mundane, like how long he'd be with Christian at St. Basil's and when they'd reunite.

It seemed so unimportant at the time but he wished he had said more. He wished he had somehow known their time apart would be longer than a year.

He was hurting. He missed her. How he thought he could live without her years ago, he had no idea.

He couldn't _fathom_ a life without her. He couldn't even imagine how different his life would be had she let him push her away.

He had shot her down so many times in the beginning despite their attraction, but she was set on him. He was grateful that she hadn't lost hope. Even when he had said to her face that he'd given up on her, she was still there for him.

 _God, how he loved her_.

He tried to visualize Rose, which was actually somewhat easy for him. He closed his eyes, blissfully content to fantasize about her smile, about holding her close until he eventually fell asleep.

Contrary to Dimitri's fantasy version of her, Rose was not smiling across the world. In fact, she was crying. Loudly.

She had been sleeping when a horrible nightmare forced her awake.

She had no idea what time it was before she snoozed, but she was tired enough to fall asleep so she did just that. The days blurred together now. It could've been the middle of the day and she'd have no idea.

She tried to find meaning in her life, but she was struggling with her identity. With guarding off the table, who was she?

Her thoughts were often plagued with troublesome questions like, _do I have a life outside of being a guardian? Who am I without that? Do I even have a personality?_

There were ups and downs. The past few weeks were definitely hard. She was finding it hard to get through the days, often spending most of her time in bed alone, rereading the beginning of Dimitri's book. She'd make it to the bookmarked page where she'd left off and then just start over again.

Lissa was doing better it seemed, growing close to Crystal. Rose was happy, if not a bit jealous, but she needed the space right now. She was worried about pulling Lissa down with her. She was in a dark place.

Adrian could tell. She knew he was keeping an eye on her aura, but kept his distance. When he voiced his concern the last time he'd fed from her, she yelled at him insisting she was fine.

He hadn't wanted to ruffle any feathers, so he took a step back and decided to let her ride it out, but her aura was only growing darker.

Her dreams, which were once a source of escape, had turned to torture. Tonight's nightmare was particularly bad.

She'd been surrounded by darkness, walking around blind, stakeless. She could hear Dimitri crying out for her, begging for her to help him but every time she thought she was close, his voice would change directions. There was also laughter. Laughter that, for whatever reason, sounded like Tasha. It was absolute torment.

She jumped up, covered in sweat. Her skin was clammy as she dragged her feet across the floor to the living room space for some water.

She opened a new bottle and downed half of it, knowing she couldn't drink the whole thing. Resources were dwindling. She'd save the rest for tomorrow.

Setting the bottle down, she rested her head against the door of the cooler and wiped at her tears, trying to keep quiet.

A door opened and she angled her body away from whoever it was, trying to hide her tears discreetly.

"Rose…" Adrian said softly. He was begging for her to open up to him, to let him help.

He was actually quite compassionate. His time as a teacher helped with that.

When she didn't answer, he approached her and grabbed her by the shoulders. At the sight of her pink cheeks and swollen eyes, he pulled her into his arms and held her for a long while.

It felt good to be held.

She pulled away when the tears finally stopped.

"Will you talk to me now?" He pleaded.

She sighed and walked back to her room, purposefully leaving the door open for him to join her.

He followed, careful not to make too much noise so as not to disturb the others.

Interaction between the group had changed quite drastically as time went on. Rose was pulling away while Lissa was thriving. Adrian was half in, half out of it. Some days he was all for joining the conversation, others, he wanted to be left alone which he considered normal.

What Rose was doing was not normal, not healthy.

When he had gone to Lissa with his concerns, she repeated the same line Rose tried to feed him. That she was fine and just needed some alone time. Maybe Lissa had bought that, but he hadn't.

Her aura was tinged with darkness (at least when he was able to see it, which only happened after feeding from her) and he didn't like it. It reminded him of when she was bonded, only this time it was _all_ her.

She'd been there for him many times and it was about time he returned the favor. She needed someone to pull her out of it and he was finally in a place to do so.

He was absolutely proud of himself for how he was dealing with his mental illness without medication or vices. A part of him was appreciative of his time in the bunker because it forced him to really deal with himself — the good and the bad.

He was doing okay and wanted Rose to be okay, too.

Behind the closed door of her room, the tears returned. She threw herself onto the bed and curled up into her pillow.

Recognizing that he'd need to coax it out of her, Adrian laid beside her and pulled the pillow from her arms so he could lay on it. She protested but let him when he pulled her into his arms.

"I've given you space like you asked, but little Dhampir, you are _not_ fine."

She nodded against his chest. The jig was up. They both knew it.

"I had a nightmare," she confessed.

"This isn't the first time, is it?" He asked knowingly.

She shook her head.

He sighed. "I wish I could dreamwalk you so you wouldn't have to suffer."

"It's not your responsibility. It's my problem. I'll find a way to deal," she insisted with confidence though her voice was uncharacteristically small.

He could tell she didn't like anyone seeing her that way, but he wasn't judging her. He couldn't fathom how hard it had to be to be the strong one, the one that everyone came to for strength.

He was almost angry that she'd been forced into that role. It wasn't anyone's fault really, but she shouldn't have to be strong all the time. She wasn't invincible no matter how much everyone believed she was.

He had to wonder if that's why she was so drawn to Dimitri. He offered her a solace, a safe place to feel protected when she was so often the protector for everyone else.

"You can't carry this all on your own."

"I can deal," she pleaded, reaching up to wipe her eyes.

"But you don't have to. You have me and you'd have Lissa too if you'd just tell her the truth."

She shook her head. "I don't want to burden her with it. The last thing I want is for her to start cutting herself again."

"When are you going to realize that you matter to us just as much as we matter to you, Rose?"

When she didn't answer, he kept going.

"Stop sacrificing yourself for our so-called happiness. You are not a burden, you hear me?"

She lifted her head from his chest to look him in the eye.

Now that he had her full attention, he looked at her with complete honesty so maybe he'd get through to her. "We love you. Lissa loves you. _I_ love you."

The room was quiet as she let his words really sink in. Maybe it was because she felt like she was at rock bottom or maybe it was because she was sad, but she decided to believe him.

Rose was stubborn as hell.

This wasn't the first time she'd had this conversation with someone, but it never really stuck with her. Not for the long run anyway.

Life roles were hard to break. She _was_ the protector, so it was hard for her to seek protection. Dimitri was the exception. At least where her heart and emotions were involved.

She seldom leaned on people when things got tough emotionally. She never felt free to do so, but here she had Adrian telling her it was okay. He was begging her to lean on him, and Lissa too.

Why else would he be saying these things if they weren't the truth?

She didn't want to sound like she was complaining. Every person down there was suffering. "What's so special about my suffering?"

Adrian didn't know how to answer that so in the presence of his silence, Rose carried on.

"I miss Dimitri, but you miss Sydney and Lissa misses Christian. I hate being down here, but so does everyone else. Nothing I say or do is going to change any of this, so what's the point of saying anything at all?"

That he could respond to.

"The point is, you need to stop bottling everything up inside. Look at where you are right now. This feeling of helplessness? It's slowly killing you. Your aura is the darkest I've seen in _years,_ little Dhampir. It's not nothing. Your suffering is important because you're my friend and I don't want to see you like this. We're all going through the same thing right now so we have to lean on each other. Think of all the times you've said something similar to Lissa and I since we've been down here. Talking, opening up, it'll help. I promise you, it'll help."

She let his words sink in for a few minutes and stewed in them before chuckling, the first time she had smiled in a while.

"Since when did you get so smart?"

He laughed and shook his head.

"I don't know, little dhampir. Blame Sydney."

Rose smiled, feeling a little better. She snuggled deeper in his arms, thankful for the human connection, and dozed off quickly.

It wasn't much but it was the least he could do.

For the first time in a while, Rose slept peacefully and when she woke, she felt hopeful — maybe this would be a turning point.

Maybe things would get better.

 _A/N: I'd say we are in the second half of our story, folks :)_


End file.
